


Chronicles of a better man - Tenth Doctor

by SHADOWSQUILL



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-29
Updated: 2019-06-29
Packaged: 2020-05-29 17:34:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 31,359
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19404946
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SHADOWSQUILL/pseuds/SHADOWSQUILL
Summary: "We never forget our first Doctor." The TARDIS never forgot any of them and is still ready to go back on adventures with his many incarnations. [This is a reedition of "Brèves de TARDIS". I'm gathering all the one-shots by Doctor for it to be easier.]





	1. Lost in reality

The Doctor had never been so lonely and so distraught before. He always had been a happy and oblivious man. Nothing had ever stopped him and truly not the danger. However, the last few days, he had lost that happy and reckless temperament. He had hidden away in the TARDIS and locked himself up in his bedroom. He hadn’t move since that day. He had been laying there and never got up to eat, to drink or to shower. He only had watched the walls and the ceiling according to his position. He didn’t feel the hunger nor the thirst. He felt weary, exhausted, but wasn’t able to sleep or to get some rest. Every time he closed his eyes, he was seeing faces and hearing voices. They all belonged to people he had known. They were the expression of his guilt, of the man he had become after the Time War. He didn’t know how to keep people in his life. He didn’t even know how to prevent them from diving head first in a world that would kill them. He was the bird of ill omen.

First, there had been Rose Tyler. Losing her was still difficult to accept. It kept on tormenting day after day, night after night. He was even having nightmares. Rose had been an extraordinary person, always ready to stand up, always ready to help him even if she had to die for it. He had asked her to come with him right after she helped him to defeat the Nestene Consciousness. He had thought he would be nice to travel with her, that it would distract him from his loneliness. However, time passing by, he had fallen in love with that little blonde with a strong character little by little. His feelings didn’t have any importance at first. He had held them back because he couldn’t fall in love with a human girl. And this tragic incident had happened. He was so happy with Rose that he had thought it could last forever. She had promised him so. His hearts broke when he had realized it was over. Her fingers were still holding the switch but he knew he would never see her again. He hadn’t even been able to tell her but he loved her. Like only a mad man could love her.

Then, there had been the unlucky Martha Jones. He was still mourning over Rose when he had met her. She was brilliant and her scepticism had entertained him. And he offered her a trip. He had been really clumsy by taking her on a planet he had already visited with Rose. To make amends, he had offered her a second trip. Despite her family’s opinion, she had followed him and adventures going on, she had found out what an extraordinary man he was. She had ended up falling in love with him and had suffered of the fact he didn’t pay attention to her. Rose’s loss was still tormenting him and he wasn’t ready to turn the page. However, Martha had given a lot of herself to help him when he had been in an impasse. He regretted not being able to see, thinking she would be perfect to make him forget how much he was suffering. He was wrong and it was her who suffered the most. She helped him to defeat the Master when he hadn’t been able to do it himself and chose to put an end to their adventures by leaving the TARDIS, by leaving him.

He had chosen to keep travelling alone, not to take another companion to spare himself from a new loss. He had wandered and gone on his missions of galaxies’ protector. He came back on Earth when a strange case had drawn his attention. He followed the signal he had received. He wasn’t expecting to see Donna Noble again, nor her insisting to be his new companion. He had been delighted to go back in the stars with such a good friend. They had done a lot of good together, they had saved a lot of people together. The most remarkable thing was that she had saved him. Without her, he would have disappeared and every world of every galaxy would have gone into the chaos. Yet, Donna Noble was more than just a simple companion for him. She was a friend, a true friend he cared a lot about. She was always able to find the words he needed, she knew how to pull him back into line when he was running out of control. She was his rock in the middle of the storm. Being forced to erase her memory to save her life had hurt him as much as losing Rose. Something had broken into him.

There were other times and other companions but those ones had really left their marks on his existence. He had seen them all again, these three extraordinary women and all the people bounded to them: Captain Jack Harkness, Jackie and Pete Tyler, Mickey Smith, Wilfred, Sarah Jane Smith, K9… They had saved the universe one last time together before going apart and taking a new path, leaving the Doctor more alone than ever, totally destroyed by the loss of so many loyal friends. He had gone back in the TARDIS, let it take him to a place he didn’t even care about and never moved since. He had cried, more than he would want to say. He had yelled, against the outside world and against himself. In a fit of rage, he had even thrown objects through the room. Then, exhausted and miserable, he had gone in his room and collapsed in his bed not to move anymore. He only wanted one thing: to disappear. That was selfish but sticking up the pieces of his being was impossible and regenerate wouldn’t make him forget. He only had to let himself go towards a final death, avoid the regeneration, disappear from time and space.

That was simple to say. That was the easy solution to let go of his pain, not to suffer anymore, and the more he was thinking about it, the more it appeared to be the best solution. There wouldn’t be Time Lords anymore, the Daleks would win _post-mortem_ and he would be in peace. Yeah, it was the best solution. He rolled on his back, closed his eyes and breathed in deeply. It was easy to end his life; he didn’t need any cyanide or other poison. No, he just had to stop his hearts from beating, slowly and methodically. He was calmly breathing while proceeding to that suicide. His hands contorted with pain on the sheet when the first one stopped beating. His breathing became hard but he wasn’t panicking. Soon, it would be over. When his second heart would have stopped beating, when he would be officially gone, the emergency system of the TARDIS would go off and the hub would automatically go to the Powell estate, where she had always lived, where his soul should live forever, tied to her memory. It would be his eternal penitence to have been so careless with people who didn’t deserve this. Except that the TARDIS seemed to disagree with all of this.

A sudden start threw him out of his bed. He ended up face on the ground. Motors were purring. It was impossible. The TARDIS couldn’t have started up alone. Dizzy, hurting like a bitch, aching and suffocating, he stood up with difficulties. He didn’t understand what was happening. While he just got up and was testing his balance, a new start shook the TARDIS and chucked him in a wall. The hub was moving. Confused and deeply irritated to have been interrupted, the Doctor rushed out of his bedroom and clumsily went straight to the monitors. He had spent so much time without moving that his muscles weren’t correctly reacting to his orders. He tripped and fell several times before reaching the monitor. Every single system was on. The TARDIS was going to an unknown destination. As furious as desperate, he tried to stop this unwanted journey but was brutally pushed away with an electric discharge which burnt his hand. The TARDIS was refusing him, she was side-lining him and the only thing he could do was standing here, raging, tears streaming down his face.

“STOP IT!” he yelled to the machine. “STOP IT NOW! YOU CAN’T STOP ME FROM DOING IT! You can’t…”

Yelling on the machine was useless. The TARDIS was obeying to his one and only instinct and this one wanted to divert the Doctor from his willing of suicide. By refusing him the access to the system, she compelled him to stay sat and to wait for the landing but she was also stimulating his curiosity. That flaw would keep him alive for a while. The Doctor couldn’t resist to this wish of visiting new places, even in such a state of confusion and despair. A new adventure would make him land on his feet. He was always landing on his feet. Maybe he would find someone to get his head straight. The TARDIS landed with a final throbbing and the motors went off. The Doctor stayed sat, still stunned by the sudden behaviour of his machine. He wasn’t feeling any better, it was certainly due to his several falls, to a severe hypoglycaemia and to a weakened heartbeat. He staggered to the door when he partially snapped out of his state of immobility. He opened it and protected his eyes from the shining sun. He went out of the TARDIS and shut the door behind him to look at the surroundings. However, he only had time to see a strange white dog wandering in the streets before being violently grabbed by behind and made mute.

“Told ya they would send someone for the kid.”

“He’s a wreck. His life is probably not worth it.”

“It don’t matter. We take him.”

The Doctor didn’t see his assailants but he deduced that it was two men to the sound of their voices and to the strength they put to hold him back. Soon, he found himself with a bag on his head and his ankles and wrists tied. He was thrown in what seemed to be a car’s trunk. The violence of the shock didn’t improve his deplorable state of health in any way. Feeling that it was a pretty bad sign to be abducted in an unknown world, he tried to reach his sonic screwdriver he always kept in his pocket. He had almost reached it when he was lifted up and hauled before being brutally put on a chair and tightly tied. Then, the bag was removed from his head. He needed a few seconds to get his eyes used to the light, yet subdued. He was in a boardroom of some school building. The blinds were all down and the room was thrust in a half darkness. About twenty persons were in the room including a young blond guy who was about fourteen years old. He was tied just like him on a chair in the middle of the room. They were all waiting for something. The presumed chief got close to the Doctor and caught his chin to look him in the eyes.

“So, here’s the famous hybrids saviour. I thought you were more impressive. I have to admit I’m disappointed.”

“…”

The Doctor remained quiet. He didn’t have anything to answer to this individual who just abducted him, especially when he was saying things that didn’t make sense. If he stayed quiet, maybe the guy would deliver more details about this strange world.

“Cat got your tongue?”

“…”

“Listen to me closely, bugger! Your rescuing mission just fell through. This little boy there”, he added turning the Doctor’s head towards the blonde boy, “was impatiently waiting for you to come saving him. You were his last hope of survival and now, we’re just gonna watch it fade away slowly and painfully. What do you think of that?”

“Do whatever you want with me,” the Doctor answered watching the other prisoner in the eyes. “I won’t fight back.”

The kid was surprised to hear such words. If he hadn’t been gagged, he would have answered to that rubbish to go screw himself and to die alone like the freaking selfish guy he was. His eyes shone with anger and, for a brief moment, the Doctor could see something that frightened him. He stayed frozen while the other guy obliged him to look away and gave him two friendly slaps, dangerously smiling.

“Well, well, well. You shouldn’t act like this. Some resistance for God’s sake!”

“No matter what you will do to me. Nothing will hurt more than my feelings right now.”

“The impressive Tom brought down by his feelings! Ah! Surprising you didn’t even used your so plugged powers to get out of here!”

“If you wanna kill me, then do it already!” angrily said the Doctor. “I don’t know who you are and what you’re expecting from me!”

“Tom…”

“I’m not that fucking impressive Tom you’re expecting so much! I’m the Doctor! And I don’t understand anything of what you’re saying.”

The man looked up to his troop who started to become agitated, eager to put that impertinent to death. The doubt instilled in them. They got hold on an innocent man and now he knew too much. They had to erase his memory or kill him. Their blood’s thirst suggested that the second option would be the best and since he pretended to be a doctor, they all knew the perfect end for him. The chief shook his hand and a small bottle with a purple fluid appeared. He removed the cork with a skilful thumb movement and smiled. The Doctor gulped. He had chosen a simple and effective death a few hours ago but something told him that these guys hadn’t chosen such a soft death. Next to him, the boy writhed, probably knowing what they were up to. Someone hit him by behind and left him stunned before he could do something. The Doctor sensed the excitement in the room. Those guys were delighted to put him to death and showed their eagerness. One of them caught him by the shoulders, leaned his head back and compelled him to open his mouth. In no way he could escape this gloomy fate.

“I created this poison a few days ago,” said the chief. “I’m particularly proud of it. You’ll tell me what you think, doctor.”

Then, with a pernicious smile, he poured the contents of the small bottle in the bottom of his throat. The other man closed his mouth so violently that his teeth bumped into each other. He pinched his nose so the Doctor was forced to swallow the liquid in its entirety. His grimace of disgust made them laugh but that laugh only lasted for a few seconds. It was stopped by the door which had been smashed to pieces and which let them see a young woman – about twenty years old or more – with a long scar on the face. The Doctor was surprised by her combative face and the unwavering confidence face she was showing in particular. She came in the room while the others were recovering from her storming entrance. She took advantage of this short confusion to unknot the prisoners’ ties with just a move of the hand. The Doctor was shocked by such an appearance. He needed some time before realizing she was gesturing to him to go with the blond boy. She intended to challenge the twenty men at the same time. It was the proof of a great courage or of a great madness. Who was she? Where was she from? How did she find then?

“Sorry, I’m a little late for the party,” she said with a big smile.

She looked perfectly frail and innocent but the Doctor could feel the danger that came from her. She wasn’t to underestimate. It would clearly be a mistake. Would those guys do that mistake?

“Oh, I supposed that you’re the real saviour of this mistake of the nature,” replied the chief, no suspicious at all.

“I don’t see any mistake here but you,” she responded to him.

“I’m surprised they didn’t send Tom the impressive. By the way, who are you?”

“I would almost be offended that you don’t know my name. I won’t take the offense. It gives me a real advantage.”

“Ah, which one?”

“You don’t know what I’m capable of.”

After these words, she flung herself on the men, leaving the Doctor run away with the other prisoner. It wasn’t easy, because of his state of health that left a lot to be desired and because the others didn’t want them to flee. As the kid was in the haze, he had to carry him partly and fight his attackers. The fight was violent and cruel. Nobody spared no expense. The woman created a diversion which let the Doctor run away dragging the blonde kid with him. He progressed slowly in the corridor not knowing where he was going. His breathing was more and more irregular, he kept on stumbling and hot sweat was flowing in his eyes. He had difficulties to walk but he had to go on. However, he had to stop, exhausted. The kid was waking up. The Doctor turned to him and stayed frozen. Under his eyes, the teenager was turning into a monster with keen teeth, glowing eyes and sharp claws. He already had seen such a monster and he almost didn’t make it.

The situation froze him with terror. What should he do? He opened his mouth to try to communicate but a powerful growl made him step backwards staggering. The boy was furious and was about to jump on him to attack. He was undoubtedly going to smash him to pieces. Suddenly, the woman that came earlier pushed him away and went in front of the danger. She did the same transformation. The Doctor began to feel some difficulties to stay on his feet and to keep his eyes open. The two wolves were weighing up each other, ready to jump on each other. He felt like it was going to end badly, that there would be a blood bath, but he was thinking wrong. Illogically, the younger one leant in front of the woman. He identified her as his superior. Immediately, all the signs of the transformation disappeared and the kid knelt down as she was getting closer. The Doctor was watching the scene, in a total state of shock. When his legs finally responded him again, he chose to run away rather than staying. Nobody knew what she was capable of and she had obviously gotten rid of the twenty attackers. It was better not to stay around and to go back to the TARDIS.

He had a bad feeling though. Deep down, he knew. He knew he couldn’t run away from her, that she would catch him. Who knows what she would do to him then? The spectre of Death was already prowling around him. He just wanted to give up, to let go and not get caught by the woman. The terror was giving him wings but he knew it wouldn’t last. He had felt pins and needles, a progressive numbing in his right foot when he witnessed the fight. He had thought that it would disappear as soon as he would have moved. It should be noted that it didn’t and that feeling not to feel his right leg made him stumble. The numbing was quickly spreading to the left foot. His balance was highly disrupted and he had to slow down to lean on a wall. His ears were ringing, his heart was beating wildly and creating an echo in his groggy brain. He dried his forehead with his arm and ran again. His legs let go of him very soon and he brutally fell to the ground. Exhausted, he chose the only option left: he crawled into an empty room and locked himself in.

That was an ordinary school room like many of them in the building. It wouldn’t be a long-span refuge. He just hoped it would be enough until he could go back to the TARDIS. That was an illusionary hope. He already had met a werewolf. There were beasts thirsty for blood and slaughters. He just needed to remember how they had succeeded in getting rid of it. With Rose, they had succeeded. He was losing the memory. He was lost. He crawled to the professor’s desk and took refuge under it. Trying to remember hadn’t been a good idea. Now, he was haunted by the voices of his past. He took his head in his hands. He wanted them to shut up but couldn’t do it. He let a sob out. He was going through hell. Why were they torturing him that way when all he wanted was disappearing in silence? When someone knocked on the door, his heart stopped beating. She found him.

“You are the easier prey I had to track.”

The voice was calm but it made his hair stand on end. The words’ choice was unpleasant but a detail let the Doctor puzzled: the door wasn’t locked – he only closed it – and she knew he was in there but she didn’t come in. Why? Why did she choose to keep her distance?

“I have anything to do with your stuff!” he argued.

“The opposite would have surprised me.”

He indeed noticed that there was a surprised tone in her voice. No sign of hostility but he remained suspicious. Maybe it was a trap. He had to stay cautious and not tempt fate. A sudden pain went through his chest, leaving him out of breath and speechless. The situation was getting worse for him. His hands were shivering so much that he couldn’t have held his screwdriver. He was unarmed and at anyone’s mercy.

“…”

“I apologize. The choice of my words wasn’t wise.”

“That’s the least we could say,” mumbled the Doctor between two breathes.

“You had the presence of mind to run away when you saw my second nature. So, you’re particularly clever. And you’re not from here. That’s obvious.”

“…”

“Your appearance makes me think that you spent a lot of time locked away. Your suit is crumpled and too large, your hair is disorderly and you didn’t shave for a while. You have been betrayed by your scent. That’s an aggression for my very developed sense of smell. You haven’t had any shower for weeks.”

“It doesn’t matter to you,” he muttered.

“I also have a very developed hearing. Did someone abduct you and keep you prisoner?”

The question disconcerted him. Why was she thinking that he had been abducted? Was it because he looked like a tramp? He had been careless lately, that’s true, and he had created a series of little injuries when he had wanted to go from his bedroom to the monitor but thinking he had been kept prisoner and been tortured… Then, he understood why she didn’t come in. She didn’t want to scare him. She wanted him to let her come in. She didn’t want to cause him a new traumatic shock. Except she didn’t know the whole story and that he didn’t intend to tell it to a stranger.

“…”

“You’re going to die, do you? You feel Death prowling around you.”

“…”

“Look, you were at the wrong place at the wrong time. You shouldn’t have gone through this but I promise I just want to help you. What happened to you doesn’t matter to me, I don’t want you to tell me your story, just to let me in so I can help you.”

“…”

“Just let me in.”

She was really asking him if she could come in. The surprise of the Doctor exceeded his sense. If he had been of sound mind, he wouldn’t have gotten sucked in. If he had been in his normal state, he would not have been in a school room hiding like a common human. He didn’t answer. He wasn’t able to do so. His senses and his ability to think were jeopardised by the constant dizziness. He was wondering if he should accept when he had the sudden feeling that someone was digging a knife in his left eardrum. He started to yell like a crazy guy and put a hand on his ear. When he removed it, he saw that there was a lot of blood on it. His yelling served as permission. He was lying on the floor, listless like a young kid, overwhelmed by pain and memories. He wouldn’t have been able to move, even if he wanted to. Through his tears, he saw two green eyes above his face. It was her and still no sign of hostility. Did she still want to help him? Or, was she about to kill him? It didn’t matter. Why was he so afraid of death now?

“Leave me alone,” he tried to say.

“Boy, you will learn that people rarely die when I decide to take care of them.”

The Doctor suddenly felt lifted up as if he was feathery. She carried him to the windows at the back of the room. Then, she sat him on a chair and took place on a table face to him. Next to her, arms crossed, there was the kid. The Doctor didn’t know how he could even stay still on that chair while the numbing was gradually gaining ground. He was really in a bad state.

“…”

“Do you hear me?”

“…”

“Let’s suppose you do,” said the woman. “My name is Katlyn Itachi, president of the werewolves Council in Texas. Him,” she added while pointing at the blonde guy, “it’s Niall. He’s under my protection. And you, who are you?”

“I am…”

I had difficulties to articulate. His tongue was furred and he had troubles opening his mouth. He was now thinking back of the poison he had to swallow. The action speed was impressive. His immune system was very deficient right now but it was unusual that a poison could affect him so much. How was it possible for him to die from such an insignificant thing?

“He said he was a doctor earlier,” completed Niall for him.

Actually, he said he was the Doctor but, for a lot of people, that didn’t mean anything. Right now, he was himself looking for the meaning of his name, of this nickname he had chosen. If he had been a real doctor, he would have been able to save the persons that counted the most for him. He would have been able to save himself without any help. Except he would prefer life than running right into the darkness of death.

“Fine. I’m a doctor too. People say we’re the worst patients.”

The Doctor tried to laugh when he heard that remark that everyone did about the doctors. He had heard it several times but always added that he was an exception because he was never sick. Now he had to stop swaggering. The numbing was gaining his hands and a weird sound came out of his throat. Seeing the face Katlyn did, it wasn’t a good sign. Or his eyes drenched with tears and sweat were leading him up the garden.

“He provoked them on purpose. That guy wanted to die.”

“Do you allow me to?”

She stretched a hand to his face and asked him if she could touch him. She was undoubtedly trying to determine his state, to know which poison had been used on him. He nodded to tell her he was okay with this. She soaked two fingers in the blood that was flowing from his ear and put them in her mouth. He wanted to tell her not to do this – though he was always doing the same thing – that it was dangerous, that we didn’t know what it was nor what were the invisible risks of it.

“Don’t… Do that…” he managed to enunciate.

“Don’t worry. I’m immune to all kind of poisons. This one is pretty tasty. His effects are devastating.”

She shook her hand and a little bottle with a turquoise-blue fluid appeared. The Doctor froze. Was she about to give him a poison of her own invention? She put the little bottle on the table between them and looked him in the eyes. What was she going to do to him?

“This is the antidote. To earn it, you have to give me two simple answers: who are you? From which species are you? It’s useless to lie,” she added grabbing his chin. “You aren’t a werewolf, nor a witch, and truly not a vampire. No human could have survived to this poison. You’re special and I wanna know.”

He wanted to tell her everything. He wanted to tell her his name, his age, his origin, the reason he was here but he couldn’t. Every time he opened his mouth, words stayed stuck in the bottom of his throat. Besides, he was really running out of air. He wanted to do a move to express his inability to talk when a blonde girl stood next to the werewolf woman. He blinked several times to be sure of what he was seeing.

“I didn’t believe it when they told me what happened.”

“Rose,” he stuttered.

It was impossible. She couldn’t be here. He had sent her back in the parallel universe with the other him. The cracks were closed. She couldn’t have gone through the universes. Even if he had given out a powerful distress signal – which happened unconsciously because of the situation – she could not have met with him. It was against the understanding.

“I didn’t think I would see you again in these conditions, Doctor.”

“Did you come back?” he whispered.

“I’m only an hallucination from your sick brain.”

“Stay.”

“I can’t.”

“Why?”

“You are the one who left me on that beach, Doctor. I came back to you and you left me again in that parallel universe.”

“…”

“Now is the time to say goodbye, Doctor.”

“No… Don’t leave! Rose!”

It was too late. She was already gone. He now knew what she had felt when he said goodbye. He felt his surviving heart boil down in shreds. He had a renewal of anger against himself.

“Your mind is very well latched.” Katlyn was still talking to him. “You must be a peerless telepathy.”

“…”

“You know, that poison has a devastating effect. You don’t feel it because of the paralysis but every single vein of your body is exploding creating damages almost beyond repair. This is why you’re bleeding from all the orifices of your face. You probably have hallucinations too.”

“You’re going to kill him!” shouted Niall, horrified.

“ROSE!” yelled the Doctor to the void she had occupied earlier with his last breath.

That scream got the better of him. New tears came out of his eyes and he felt his body tumble forward. He thought he was going to hit the ground but someone caught him. She was holding him against her and that’s at that very moment, while she was firmly holding him so he wouldn’t collapse and decline, that he knew she could be trusted. Then, he opened a part of his mind to talk to her.

“ _I’m the Doctor. I don’t have any other name. I’m a Time Lord, an alien from Gallifrey in the constellation of Kasterborous. My TARDIS landed in your world for no reason. I got abducted when I went out… I only travel through time and space…_ ”

He couldn’t say more. He had reached the bottom of his last limits. He would let go soon. He felt someone laying him on the ground and squeezed his hand. He was forced to swallow something and someone was talking to him but he didn’t hear anything. He turned his head to Katlyn. He wanted to thank her for a reason he didn’t even know. His eyelids were slowly closing.

“This is going to be painful, Doctor, very painful but don’t worry, I’m gonna help you get through this.”

Those were the last words he heard and the last face he saw. Exhausted, he stopped struggling and finally let go…

×

The Doctor lightly moved in his sleep. He was slowly emerging from the cocoon he was in. The last numbing of his sleep went away. His eyes fluttered open. He felt like he just woke up from a long sleep and felt calm down. He put his hand on his eyes to remove the last signs of the sleep he had deserved. When was the last time he slept so well? He had a nightmare in which he was dying in an horrific way though. He scratched his forehead and frowned when he felt a strange thing under his fingers and a light pain. He looked at his hand and saw that it was bandaged. He froze. It wasn’t a nightmare. It really happened. He got up, not giving a fuck to his painful muscles. He grimaced but was happy to notice that he could move again. He rubbed his face and met beard. He indeed had stayed in that state of dormancy for a while. Someone had cleaned his face to treat him and changed his clothes. May it be that Rose stayed after all?

He got up. If she was here, she would have waited for him to get back on his feet elsewhere. She would never have troubled the sleep he needed except for an utmost emergency. Consequently, he found a note pinned on the door: “ _I’m waiting for you outside. Meet me there only if you feel better. Otherwise, I’ll compel you to keep the bed by force._ ” This message made him smile. He was going to join her when he remembered the miserable state he was in. Lightly limping, he locked himself up in his bathroom. He took a long and hot shower, put some clean clothes on and took the time to shave. He felt more like him and less like a hobo and it felt better. He smiled to his reflection. With light steps – but still clumsy – he went to the exit of the TARDIS and opened the door widely. His smile faded when he saw that Rose wasn’t there. He only found Katlyn, leaning back against the hub, that seemed to enjoy a well-deserved nap. She had changed to get rid of her clothes covered with blood. Sat against the other side of the TARDIS, Niall was looking around. He smiled to him when he saw he was awake but the Doctor was too busy looking for someone to answer.

“It was just an illusion,” he whispered for himself, disappointed.

“Happy to see that you’re feeling better.”

The Doctor turned to Katlyn and realized that she was the one who took care of him those last few hours right after she had saved him from this nest of vipers. It had never been Rose. He had only thought it was her while another woman he didn’t even know was treating him.

“I’m going to need some explanations.”

“Let me introducing myself officially first. Katlyn Itachi,” she said while holding out a hand to him. “Hybrid.”

“I’m the Doctor,” he answered while shaking her hand. “Time Lord.”

The handshake was frank and warm. Something was telling him that she was a right-hand woman and that she was not easily frightened. He owed her one.

“Well, Doctor, you had a close shave.”

“I’ve rarely been in such a thorny situation. A chance you were there.”

“I don’t think your machine landed here by accident.”

“By the way, how did you know?”

“You’re a powerful telepathy. I read all of this in the breach you’ve opened for me. When I’ve been certain that you were gonna make it, I teleported you in your bedroom.”

“Didn’t you come in?”

“No need to. You said everything to me.”

“Thanks. Without you, I…”

He broke off when she put a hand on his forehead and the other one on his chest. The move got him surprised but he didn’t move away. The touch was enjoyable. Earlier, her aura had been threatening but, now, she turned out to be likeable, protective, almost motherly. He could drift with such a person. She was understanding him and succeeding in treating him. At least, physically. There was nothing else to do for his hearts and soul.

“No more fever. Everything seems to work well in there. One hell of a recovery!”

“It could have taken more time.”

“It could have taken less if you didn’t reject my blood.”

“Your blood?”

“A tiny amount. So you could get back on your feet faster. Are you still in pain?”

“Only a pain no one can treat. Everything else is slowly recovering.”

“I felt it. I even saw it. I’m sorry.”

“So am I.”

“That’s why the TARDIS sent you to me. It wasn’t a coincidence.”

She didn’t go further and took Niall to the beach of the city. The Doctor couldn’t help but follow them, even if he hated beaches. He had to understand the meaning of Katlyn’s words.

“Explain to me.”

“Before you fainted, you called someone. Rose Tyler. That’s when I understood.”

“Do you know Rose?”

“I can travel through dimensions and parallel universes. I met her during a mission. When she heard what I was capable of, she told me about you and asked me to take care of you if we met. I just didn’t recognize you immediately.”

“How is she?”

The question escaped from his mouth. Katlyn didn’t accept to answer it before a long time. She forced him to sit to the terrace of a coffee shop and to eat something. The same rule went for Niall. That’s only when they had all finished to eat and that Niall went on the beach under the supervision of his new guardian that she finally gave an answer to his question.

“I can’t tell you, Doctor.”

“Please.”

“I’m bound by confidentiality.”

“I need to know. Show me.”

He insisted so much that she finally accepted. He put his fingers on her temple and watched the memories she had unlocked for him. He was seeing Rose again. He was seeing her working for Torchwood in his name, helping the other him to get used to his life, dreaming about a reunion, rebuilding her life. She wasn’t as happy as he had thought. The other him looked exactly like him but he wasn’t him. She was dreaming about an impossible mission which would get them together. He wanted to break the balance of the universe so much only to see her one last time. When he burst into tears, Katlyn skirted the table to comfort him. She held him again her until he felt better. Even when his tears stopped flowing, he stayed against her to enjoy this comfort he needed so much. He followed her on the beach when he had pulled himself together. She was about to go back in her world and to leave him here. He wanted to enjoy her comforting presence a little more but she had her own things to settle. If it had been possible, he would have asked her to go with him. She would probably have been a perfect companion but he had to keep going alone on his track while she was going back to her family.

“We’re destined to meet again, Doctor”, she said with a wink before disappearing with Niall.

He was surprised by the sentence but didn’t pay attention to it. It was a part of his future and it wasn’t a good thing to play with time. He would know it in good time. He looked at the horizon for a moment and slowly went back to the TARDIS. His loyal machine truly had merit. While he was six feet under, the TARDIS had kept him alive until the right time. Then, she had put him in the way of the only person that could reassure him about Rose. Everything had been calculated in order to keep him alive and to make him keep going in the universes to bring justice. It was time to turn a page to keep on with this lonely traveller mission.

“Thanks. I wish we would have known more happy moments you and I but no doubt that you remember everything. I…” he started, tears in his eyes, “I don’t wanna go but I have to. It’s time to change, to start from scratch. I don’t know what I will become but… All these years of adventures will forever be etched in me. Thanks for everything, dear friend.”

The Doctor closed his eyes, not giving a fuck to the tears that were flowing again on his cheeks. The familiar warmth of the regeneration went through his veins and a golden halo surrounded his body before it exploded in a flood of orangey light. A goodbye went through the air before a new man replace the tenth Doctor…


	2. He had the words

Rose Tyler never liked this parallel universe. The first time she walked in it, it had been a mistake, with the Doctor. At this time, she had found it kind of funny to see another side of her life, of her parents’ life. She had been disappointed to see that she didn’t have any existence in this world even though Jackie and Pete were married. It had been funny to fight the crime in a universe that wasn’t hers. Mickey had truly loved this parallel universe and Rose had thought she would never see him again when he decided to stay while the Doctor and her were about to go. A lot of other planets and other knowledges were still waiting for her to explore them. At the moment, she had really thought she would never be back there, that those adventures in space and time would last forever. There was nothing better than thinking it would never end. The Doctor had warned her though. He would never be able to spend the rest of his lives with her. She had been so naive.

This naivety and the catching imprudence of the Doctor had led her to her fall. She had thought she could do well with the world which was his. Her, the little human, without any certificate. He had saved her from a miserable and uninteresting life to drag her into a life full of bounces. Somehow, he had pushed her to the vice, to a life which would never be stable, in an adventure that would cost her life. Jackie had blamed him and was still mad at him for what had happened. Rose would refuse to admit it but, deep down within herself, she had already thought she was hating him, that nothing would ever be the same. She had given up everything for him and he had sometimes been ungrateful. However, she had chosen to stay and to fight alongside him. She hadn’t understood immediately – or refuse to admit that it would be possible – that, actually, she had started to feel something that wasn’t friendship for this special alien. Nevertheless, she only had realized it when it was too late. And she had failed.

This was why Rose Tyler was now standing on the beach of Dårlig Ulv Strenden, in Norway, days or maybe weeks after Pete Tyler had saved her from the Void by taking her to his universe before the breach shut. She had been mad at him for that reason but she had also been thankful. She would have preferred death than keep on living without the Doctor but she had survived. Until now. She was confused and didn’t know what to do, standing there, with the marine wind lashing her under the watch of Jackie, Mickey and Pete. She came because he had called her. She had followed his voice to here and she was now waiting for something to happen, for a message to reach her, for the Doctor to appear though there was a tiny chance for this to happen. It had not only been a dream, she felt it. The Doctor wanted her to be here, now, for a reason she wasn’t able to understand until he suddenly appeared to her left. She thought he was real when she turned to him but it was just an almost see-through image. A sad smile crossed Rose’s face.

“Where are you?”

“Inside the TARDIS”, answered the Doctor’s hologram.

His voice sounded distant, mechanical, and Rose felt her heart fall in her chest. Her Doctor wasn’t really there and that sound and image game was just confirming it. A knot of sobs formed into her throat but she refused to cry. The Doctor didn’t make her come here without a reason. He was expecting something from her.

“There’s one tiny little gap in the universe left, just about to close. And it takes a lot of power to send this projection, I’m in orbit around a supernova.” _He said laughing softly_. “I’m burning up a sun just to say goodbye.”

Rose shook her head while hearing those words. It seemed so difficult to believe. A tiny little gap remained in the whole universe and he was willingly putting himself in danger just to say goodbye. He could have gone on with his life without her and forget her like he seemed to have done with the other companions but he wanted to come back, to say goodbye before disappearing forever. It made things more difficult to believe. If she hadn’t seen more strange situations, Rose could have believed it was unreal, a simple thing from her imagination.

“You look like a ghost.”

“Hold on…”

She almost smiled when she saw him make a move she had seen him make several times. He pulled out his screwdriver from his pocket, the same sonic screwdriver that had saved their life so many times. He pointed it to something she supposed to be the console of the TARDIS and did a remote adjustment. His projection seemed to strengthen and appeared more real. Rose thought for a second that he was really there and got closer to him. She raised a hand to touch his face. She needed to touch him, to have a contact with him. She missed all those moments of privacy they both had had in the TARDIS. She missed his full presence. She needed him to keep on surviving in this world that wasn’t hers.

“Can I t…?”

“I’m still just an image,” he said regretfully. “No touch.”

“Can’t you come through properly?”

Her voice was trembling and she hated feeling so weak, especially in his presence. She wasn’t the damsel in distress anymore. She wasn’t naive anymore. To follow the Doctor, she had to prove her worth and become tougher. She couldn’t become this weak and gullible girl again; she didn’t want to. She had to be strong. She owed him that.

“The whole thing would fracture. Two universes would collapse.”

“So?” she said half-joking.

They already had had this conversation, with his previous incarnation. It was a Doctor with a lot of humour, often mean even if he didn’t mean to and who was hiding a great pain deep down within himself. He had had the choice between saving the world and saving her. He had wanted to save her at all cost. It was funny to see how the situation had changed. This time, he was the one listening to the voice of reason and she was the one who was unreasonable, selfish. The Doctor smiled. Maybe he thought about this again too. They watched each other for a moment before the Doctor looked around at their surroundings.

“Where are we? Where did the gap come out?”

“We’re in Norway.”

“Norway. Right.”

“About fifty miles out of Bergen. It’s called Dårlig Ulv Stranden.”

“Dalek?” asked the Doctor, surprised.

“Dårl-IG. It’s Norwegian for bad.”

The Doctor didn’t understand. He stared at her, confused, brow furrowed. The situation was funny for Rose. Usually, she was the one looking at him like this while he was going into incomprehensible monologues.

“This translates as Bad Wolf Bay.”

They couldn’t help but laugh at the irony of the situation. They had spent so much time running after the meaning of those two words “Bad Wolf”. It was a long time ago. Rose Tyler was the “Bad Wolf” and the universe kept on reminding her of this. The coincidence was funny but the sobs came back. Her voice broke when she spoke again.

“How long have we got?”

“About two minutes…”

“I can’t think of what to say!”

It seems so absurd she almost laughed at it. She had promised to stay forever, even knowing it was impossible. It shouldn’t have come so soon. She wanted to keep on running with him forever through space and time. She wanted to die protecting him. That’s what she had done in a sense but that option wasn’t satisfactory and never would be. The Doctor laughed too then glanced over at where Jackie, Pete and Mickey were waiting by the Jeep.

“You’ve still got Mr. Mickey then?”

“There’s five of us now. Mum, dad, Mickey… and the baby.”

“You’re not…?” he started to ask, taken aback.

“No”, she answered, laughing. “It’s mum.”

The Doctor laughed and Rose was able to feel his relief. Her heart broke again when she understood. He had thought that she was pregnant; that she was expecting someone else’s child while they were loving each other through the universes without actually saying it. She knew she could not love another man like she loved him and that it would destroy him if she had a child with someone who wasn’t him. The Doctor looked over at Jackie.

“She’s three months gone. More Tylers on the way.”

“And what about you? Are you…?”

“Yeah, I’m… I’m back working at the shop.”

“Oh, good for you.”

Rose laughed. The situation was truly unreal. While it was their last moments together, while they were pressed for time, they were talking like the two old friends they were about memories from years ago and that were getting lost in the wibbly wobbly timey wimey thing.

“Shut up. No, I’m not. There’s still a Torchwood on this planet, it’s open for business,” she added while tearing up again. “I think I know a thing or two about aliens.”

“Rose Tyler. Defender of the Earth.”

He was proud of her and she could easily see it in his eyes. She would never disappoint him. Never. She would keep on fighting in his name, no matter what the risks were. There was another lingering look between the two of them.

“You’re dead, officially, back home. So many people died that day and you’ve gone missing. You’re on a list of the dead.”

Rose began to cry quietly. It had been their last battle together. Who would have thought it would end this way?

“Here you are,” he continued, smiling. “Living a life day after day. The one adventure I can never have.”

“Am I ever gonna see you again?” she said as she was really crying now.

“You can’t,” he said quietly and sorry.

“What’re you gonna do?”

“Oh, I’ve got the TARDIS. Same old life. Last of the Time Lords.”

“On your own?”

The Doctor nodded silently, still watching her with compassion. Rose surveyed him to be sure he was telling the truth, to be sure he wasn’t going to replace her as soon as he would be gone. Her heart was so hopelessly broken that it was painful. Tears were falling thick and fast on her cheeks. She started a sentence and could not finish it because she choked with tears. She had to take a moment to regain her composure and complete her sentence.

“I love you.”

Another shuddering sob escaped her. The Doctor gazed at her with heart-rending tenderness and devotion. She could feel all the weight of her own pain with this look.

“Quite right, too,” he said, softly.

Rose nodded, smiling at him through her tears. He knew it. He had always known it and he now had the confirmation. A weight partially left her shoulders. She would have to live for a long time with the memory of this extraordinary man. He looked at her right in the eyes before speaking again, creating an ounce of hope in the bottom of the young woman’s broken heart.

“And I suppose… If it’s my last chance to say it...” He paused for a moment, his eyes still locked on hers. “Rose Tyler…”

He couldn’t end his sentence. She never knew what he was about to say to her, even though she had a vague idea. He just disappeared, vanished in the air. It was over. The gap was closed. They would never see each other again. The pain overwhelmed Rose for good, leaving her breathless. She let the sobs she was holding back and fell to the ground. She would never fully recover. They had all met the Doctor. They had all worked with him at some point and none of them ignored the strength of the feelings Rose had for him. She had chosen the Doctor over her family but her family saved her before she got lost. She needed weeks to partly pull herself together. As soon as she had been back on her feet, she hurried to Torchwood to have a job. She had been working there only recently when she received the one and only message from the Doctor, a letter dropped on the pillow of her room, which gave her a new aim to reach.

_“My beloved Rose,_

_I don’t know if you will ever have this letter but I felt the need to write it. Our last meeting on the Bad Wolf Bay dates back a few weeks now and I’m still dwelling on the words I couldn’t tell you that day. Your loss leaves me so distraught that I don’t know how to react to the world around me. I keep on running after adventures and in front of the danger but it’s not the same anymore. I miss something. Sometimes, I forget that you’re not here anymore. Sometimes, I hear your voice calling me or I see your reflection to a street corner. And when I realized that it’s just an illusion, I collapse behind the doors of my loyal TARDIS._

_Those two minutes were way too short to say all the things I wanted to say to you. Rose Tyler. If my consciousness allowed me to, I would gladly break the balance between the universes. I never stopped missing you since that day and nothing is able to stick back the pieces of my broken heart together since this universe put you away from me. The great power given by my condition of Time Lord also gives me great responsibilities. Sadly, I can’t rewrite our story to give it a better end. Only you knew how much I want it though._

_Some time ago, when you first met me, when my previous incarnation offered you to travel with me, I was just a man completely destroyed by the acts I had to commit. To win this stupid Time War, I perpetrated monstrosities. I destroyed the Daleks’ race but I also destroyed mine. If my enemies keep on coming back to haunt me for a reason I ignore, my people are definitively gone because of me. This act has irreversibly darkened my soul._

_I never tried to look for forgiveness, nor tried to forgive myself. I’m guilty all down the line for being a coward and for leading my people to death. This darkness was gaining ground every day. It wouldn’t leave me alone. I didn’t want to forget but I didn’t want to become that monster again either. Yet, I was drowning little by little in the darkness of my soul and that was frightening me more and more. I was about to let go when you came in my life. My behaviour might have seemed strange to you but I didn’t understand how someone like you, how someone as bright as you are could travel with a man as dark as me. Every day, every adventure, you were showing me that I could be a better man. One day, I found out that you broke my loneliness, that you gave me hope again._

_Then, I’d like to thank you for everything you’ve done for me without realizing it. You saw the darkness that was eating me up and chose to stay with me anyway, to never let me down. You almost abandoned your family for me. You wanted to help me. You wanted to be there for me every time I would need it and you’ve done it. Even when you couldn’t do anything, your presence was enough. I wasn’t alone anymore and my darkness was disappearing at your contact. You learned to me who I really was. I’m not a monster. I’m only a man who did mistakes, mistakes he will never be able to forgive himself for. Thanks again, Rose. You knew how to love me when I couldn’t love myself, when nobody else could have loved the man I was._

_I hope that someday I’ll be able to get round the law of time and space to send you that letter. In the meantime, I’m keeping it on me, everywhere I go. Maybe you would never have it but, if one day I’m in a position of sending it to you, I want you to know, Rose Tyler, the words I couldn’t tell you that day. I’ve never felt something this strong except with you. Despite my words, I believed you when you promised me to stay forever. I believed it with all my soul because I wanted it to be true. Our destiny had decided that we should go on separate ways. Never doubt that I loved you, that I love you and that I will love you as long as I’m living._

_I’m afraid that we will never see each other again but I did some researches by my side. Almost everyone has a double in another universe. It may be possible that I have one. Just to write these words is destroying me but… If you got the chance, look for him. Look for my double. Maybe he would let you live the life I’m dreaming with you, even though he would never be able to love you as much as I love you._

_Be happy, Rose Tyler, and never forget how much fantastic you were for me._

_Your Doctor.”_

Oh, she had cried while reading that letter. She never thought the Doctor could do such a declaration to her. She had been expecting it that day, on the Bad Wolf Bay, but he never had been able to finish his sentence and she had been devastated. One way or another, he had managed to send that letter to her and she had never been so happy than at the moment she discovered it was from him but it finished to crush her mental health. Those words, she had always been dreaming of hearing them when they were traveling together. Now, it was too late. She would never see him again. What was he doing now? How much time did he keep that letter before being able to send it to her? A while on the evidence of the look of the envelope and letter which were both scented with his perfume. He had done it; he had succeeded in sending her a message despite the risks. Rose wished she could answer him, tell him how much she was happy that he had managed to contact her, happy that her feelings were mutual… And tell him to screw himself because she would not look for the double of the man she loved.

Those last lines put her beside herself. How did he dare pushing her into the arms of another man? Maybe he had a double here but he would never be him. How could he? This revelation from the Doctor had also surprised her. She had thought about it for nights and days. She was disturbed because of this and couldn’t sleep anymore. The more she was thinking about it, the more it was intriguing her. Was there really a double of the Doctor in that world? If she found him, what should she expect? Those questions were tormenting her. She now wanted answers. One night, she had logged on the Torchwood computer system and had launched a research. The computer had worked for days, silently, secretly, in her room. Nobody knew about what she was doing, even Pete who was controlling all the uses of the system. She only had done that research to satisfy her curiosity. A lot of things from her former universe didn’t exist in this one. The Doctor was one of a kind. He shouldn’t have had any double, but the system had found one. Someone called Kilgrave.

×

Despite their very great physical resemblance, this man wasn’t the Doctor. He was far from it. He was a monster and even that descriptive was far from describing him perfectly. The worse in all of that was that she was stuck with him now. After she had found his file in the Torchwood archives and had thought about this for a long time, she had decided to go to New-York to meet with him. It hadn’t been easy. The man was very discreet and nobody really knew him. She kept on tracking him down, day after day. She had found him, totally by chance, at a coffee terrace. It was him who came to her. He said he had never seen her in the town and that her aura was intriguing him. She had rolled her eyes and yet had smiled to him. He had smiled back and the conversation had gone well. Rose couldn’t help but compare him with her Doctor. At first, they were similar. Maybe it was the thing that had fooled her, that prevented her from seeing who this man really was.

They’d seen each other several times and she succumbed to his charm a little more every time without realizing it. When they were apart, she was in a lot of pain. She got attached to him pretty quickly, more quickly than with the Doctor. Their physical resemblance was helping a lot. Sometimes, she found herself wandering in the streets without knowing where to go until he found her and seemed worried about this vagrancy. She didn’t worry about this behaviour. She should have. She should have known it was abnormal that he always knew where to find her. She should have known he had some influence on her. She would never have act so foolhardy before knowing him. His words had a power on her and that was particularly scary. She should have been suspicious but she hadn’t been because he had manipulated her as it pleased him. She should have gotten away from him when she had understood but she realized way too late that she was in danger in his presence. He already had her under his control.

This was why Rose was now sat in his flat instead of her hotel room. She had been there for two weeks and she didn’t really understand why she wasn’t able to go out, to run away, to flee from this man. One day, he brought her here after he had found her in the street, in the middle of the night, under the driving rain, and took care of her just like the Doctor would have done it in such a situation. She didn’t remember the exact details of that night. Everything was pretty hazy. Some memories still remained in her memory. She saw him again increased the heating and wrapped her into a blanket so she would not get cold, make a hot drink to warm her up, and talked to her slowly, quietly to reassure her. She remembered him whispering her to stay in her ear. Too tired to upset him, she had accepted. He had smiled to her. She loved that smile a lot and didn’t think it was hiding so much hostility. She had been fooled and was bitterly regretting it.

It hadn’t been an order, a plea nor a threat but she felt obliged to stay. Somehow, he had given her a feeling of security. How naive she had been! This feeling was only an illusion and now she felt in danger in his presence. He had felt it and was enjoying it. She couldn’t run away. She was under his total control and no matter the strength she was struggling with, she wasn’t able to flee from him. She had tried to run away several times when she felt he was losing hold on her mind but it never lasted. He always found her. Not so long ago, when she was in another state of vulnerability, he asked her again to stay and she accepted, one more time. This time, he had asked her to stay in the flat and to never go out under no circumstances. She was obeying to that order every single day and was trying to break the hold he had on her mind but it was too firm and she didn’t ignore that she had a part of responsibilities in that situation. She got messed around. She hadn’t been suspicious.

Now, she was living in a constant fear. She was afraid of what this man was capable of and what he was going to do with her. She would not be unharmed at the end of this adventure. She felt it. He was going to destroy her and she couldn’t do anything else than staying sat here waiting for him to come home. She trembled when the door opened. Kilgrave came into the room. She smiled involuntary, as if her face was answering to a tacit order he was giving her.

“Hello dear,” she was forced to say.

He smiled because she was so docile. Rose Tyler had been an easy prey because she had looked for him. She had taken him for somebody else. She had thought he was that Doctor she was madly in love with and had succeeded in manipulating her by pretending he was something as appealing as that man. He had even read the letter she was constantly keeping on her before putting it back. That Doctor wasn’t entirely wrong. He had a double in this universe and they were similar on the fact that they had trapped her in their very own ways. Rose Tyler was at his mercy just like she had been at the Doctor’s one, the Doctor who hadn’t hesitated in sacrificing her. Kilgrave had a lot of fun with that blonde girl naive enough to drink in his words. The love she had for that Doctor made her blind and he had had fun playing with her feelings. However, Rose Tyler was starting to annoy him with her stories. It was about time to get to another level, to feed her fear – and he knew better than anyone how to exploit people’s fears – and to push her to become an instrument in his hands, instrument he could use against somebody else.

“Hello Rose Tyler,” he answered. “Did you have a good day?”

“It would have been better if you weren't keeping me prisoner here!”

Kilgrave loved that renewal of anger she had every time he let his power decrease on her mind. He even laughed at it and it was getting on her nerves even more. He sat at her opposite and crossed his legs. He smiled at her again.

“Oh, come on! That doesn’t look so terrible! I got this flat for almost nothing and the view is wonderful.”

“I couldn’t judge by myself.”

“Oh, what a shame. We have to catch up!”

He got up and made the balcony door slide. Then, told her to stand up. Uncertain but forced to do so, she met up with him. As a gentleman, he let her go out first and followed her on the edge of the balcony. He put his hands on the barrier and got lost in the contemplation of the town plunged into the night. Rose did the same, half because she was forced to, half because the view was actually wonderful. She would have loved sharing this view with someone other than this man. She looked up at the stars and a tear streamed down her face while she was thinking about the adventures she had been living in her universe, about the comforting presence of the Doctor. She jumped when she felt a hand on her cheek. She didn’t see him come closer. He wiped the salted drop with his thumb. Rose didn’t draw back. She was certainly afraid of that man but she knew she didn’t have to worry about him right now, that he wouldn’t harm her. Maybe she was wrong again, maybe it was him influencing her mind again.

“Is it the view that affected you so much, Miss Tyler?”

“Tell me. You’re manipulating my mind.”

“That doesn’t work exactly like this.”

“And yet, I have to obey to every word of yours.”

“Sometimes, I wish it to be differently. Some situations can become particularly embarrassing.”

“Do you regret your acts?”

The question caught him off-guards but he wasn’t surprised. For the “nice people”, it was normal to ask such a question. It was very predictable. He removed his hand and smiled again. He was the bad guy of the story and it was so much better.

“I have no reason to regret.”

“The Doctor would.”

“Enough with that Doctor!” hesaid, getting angry.

He brutally caught her by the wrist and led her into the flat. He closed the door with abruptness and pushed Rose in the kitchen. She was panicked by this sudden change in his behaviour. Her back hit the work surface and the pain went through her whole body. She let a whining out and a morbid pleasure sparkled in Kilgrave’s eyes.

“Ugh.”

“I have nothing to do with that stupid Doctor who reproach himself for all the evils of the world! To me, he just looks like a pedantic little dick and holier-than-thou! Why do you love him so much while he abandoned you in that universe? You have to be totally blind not to see that the guy used you and let you down like he did with many people before you! I. AM. NOT. YOUR. FREAKING. DOCTOR! And I don’t have any scruples to do what I do!”

“He never used me!”

“And you’re stupid enough to believe his cute words and come here to dive into my arms? Did you really believe it would be so easy? He dropped you straight in a trap to get rid of you!”

“Don’t judge him without knowing him!”

The anger won the day on the fear and Rose suddenly felt free from the hold he had on her, as if he had lost all his control on her by insulting the only person who believed in her when she thought she was just a person that didn’t matter. For some time, she had become one of the most important person in the universe and she wouldn’t let that dick tell her otherwise. He was about to reply, as hurtful as he could, but she didn’t let him the time to and violently punched him in the face. It made him even more mad. He slapped her and brutally caught her throat. She wasn’t afraid. She was still furious. No matter what that guy wanted from her, she would not get flustered. She would not let him insult the Doctor. He looked at her straight in the eyes. His furious look didn’t even make her shudder.

“I don’t want to hear you about the Doctor again, is that clear?”

“Y… Yes,” Rose nodded, feeling he was taking back his control on her.

“Good. Now, take care of the dinner. You’ll finally be useful.”

Then, he released her and got away from her. He disappeared in another room of the flat, leaving her alone in the kitchen. Rose didn’t react immediately to the order he gave her. She stayed still here, leaned on the work surface, shuddering, gasping and tears falling down on her cheeks. She had no doubts anymore on the fact he could kill her. He just showed her that he wouldn’t even have any remorse but he preferred playing with her. She wiped her eyes to erase the tears marks but wasn’t able to stop the shivers. She started to cook as he demanded her but she was distracted and it was playing tricks on her. She jumped when she deeply cut her finger. She let go of the knife and heard Kilgrave swear from the other room. She held back a sob of despair because she didn’t want to catch his attention once again. In a state of shock, she watched the blood flow from her wound. Her eyes slid on the knife covered with her blood. It was a hypnotic view which made an idea grow in her mind.

So he wouldn’t get intrigued by her long silence, she put her finger under cold water to stop the bleeding and wrapped it in a kitchen roll. Then, she cleaned the blood and the knife and went back cooking. There was no clue of the incident anymore. When she finished the meal, she cleaned the kitchen and did the washing-up. Kilgrave liked when everything was immaculate. Then, she checked if he could see her or not and put the knife in her belt and hid it with her T-shirt. She was praying for him not to find out her trick before she could do anything. Kilgrave was so confident in his ability to control her that he wouldn’t suspect her from trying to trap him. She didn’t like the solution but it was the only one left. She had tried to run away many times. She didn’t want to kill him but to handicap him long enough to get away and go back to London. For now, she had to act as if nothing had happened so he wouldn’t get suspicious. It would probably be the most difficult part of that plan. She started by laying the table where he was already settled.

“Looks like the lovely rose had thorns after all,” he made his point looking at her finger wrapped in a bloody kitchen roll.

“I’ve been clumsy. I cut myself.”

“Knives aren’t toys. Be careful from now on.”

The look he gave her turned her blood to ice. For a moment, she thought he had guessed what she was about to do and that he was going to destroy the one and only chance she had but he did nothing. He went back to the newspaper he was reading and told her to go clean that wound before spreading blood everywhere. She didn’t make him tell it twice and went straight to the bathroom. She threw the kitchen roll away, disinfected the wound and put a band aid. She took advantage of the moment to hide her improvised weapon before going back to the living room. She sat at the table to his opposite. In her absence, he had finished to lay the table and to serve the food. Rose wasn’t hungry and was just playing with her food, silently.

“You should eat something. It would do you some good. You’re as thin as a toothpick.”

“And you, as friendly as a prison wall.”

“I went to jail once.”

“Not even surprised.”

“It was glasses walls. I liked it.”

“Hmpf.”

“Do you even know the lower thing about me, Rose Tyler?”

“I don’t need to know more. I’ve seen enough.”

“You’ve told me your story from every conceivable angle but you never asked for mine.”

“Not interested.”

“Too bad.”

He didn’t went further and silently finished to eat. He cleared the table and did the washing-up while she was changing. When she had arrived here, he had “forced” her to sleep with him. That night wouldn’t be an exception. She went to bed before him but wasn’t able to sleep immediately. When he got closer to the room, she pretended to be deeply sleeping. She didn’t see him when he came in but she guessed the smile he had when he saw her. He quickly got in bed and fell asleep some minutes later. Before he totally fell asleep, she turned to him and cuddled up his arm, still pretending to be asleep. Kilgrave was surprised by the move but didn’t push her away. The move was as unconscious as innocent. Rose Tyler were looking for comfort and was probably thinking he was someone else. Kilgrave was sleeping the sleep of the just, a sleep that almost nothing could bother. He truly didn’t expect to feel a pain so sudden in the chest that he was breath-taken.

He opened his eyes right away and came face to face with Rose whose faded and wet look was staring at him. He looked down at the origin of the pain and saw that she had stabbed him with his own knife from his kitchen on the breast bone. The wound wasn’t deep enough to do any damage. She hadn’t wanted to kill him, she only had wanted to hurt him and he detected there the difference there was between their two characters.

“I’ve been waiting to do this for hours,” she whispered.

“What have you done, reckless girl?”

“I’m taking back my freedom.”

“You’re not brave enough for this, Rose Tyler,” he answered with a smile.

Her hands were shivering on the handle of the knife she pushed a little further, enjoying the grimace of pain he did. She didn’t like what she was doing but she couldn’t stay here one more minute with a man who disgusted her deep down inside. She knew he could turn the situation to his advantage any time. It was surprising he didn’t even try to push her away and to remove the knife to turn it against her. He could do it easily, she didn’t have any doubt about it, but she was too mad to get messed around.

“Don’t tell me what I have to do,” she replied.

“You know better than anyone that I can do it more than I should.”

“I’m gonna take my things and go now. You’re not going to do anything to prevent me from doing so. You’re gonna stay here obediently.”

“You think you can give me such an order? Do you really think I’m gonna stay here while you run away?”

“I don’t think so, I know it.”

And by the look she gave him, he knew she had done something. The knife had been her first idea but Rose Tyler wouldn’t have tried to kill him. She had had another idea and this one would immobilize him in that bed and force him to watch her go without being able to do something to hold her back.

“Do you really think you can do something against me?” he swaggered.

“The muscular paralyzing thing I have found in your bathroom tells me I can.”

Then, Rose Tyler released the knife and sat up straight. She was still sat on him and was enjoying her win. She was exulting because she had succeeded in having control on him. That muscular paralyzing thing would of course defeat him but only temporary. His modified metabolism enabled him to digest the drugs more quickly than normal people. Rose didn’t know it and she was about to discover it.

“Congratulations. You’ve got me.”

“Someone said it’s the quiet ones you have to watch.”

“I’ll remember that.”

“Goodbye, Kilgrave,” simply said Rose, getting up.

“Wait, Rose.”

She froze. He didn’t use his mental influence. His abilities were lowered by the paralyzing thing she put in his blood. His mind shouldn’t be very clear. However, she stopped her move and looked back at him. He smiled at her.

“It’s too late to regret… Oh, I forgot you never regret anything.”

“Would you do me a last favour?”

“No.”

“Remove that knife from my chest, Rose Tyler,” he ordered.

She was struggling against the idea he was suggesting her. How was it even possible for him to suggest her to do something she didn’t want to? Her hand got on the knife and despite all her will, she removed the knife from Kilgrave’s chest.

“How is it possible?”

“If you’ve listened to my story, you would have known. Now it’s too late. I have to get rid of you.”

“You can’t move.”

“I don’t need to. Put this blade against your carotid.”

She didn’t want to but she obeyed. The knife was now against her neck, where her pulse was beating. The fear was coming back to her. Even in a position of weakness, he was superior to her. He was giving her a lesson which moral would be her death. She could see the jubilation in his eyes.

“Nobody will believe that it’s a suicide.”

“But nobody will know that you’re dead, Rose Tyler. Press harder.”

The move was made by itself. Rose swallowed when the blade made a notch on her skin. He was about to kill her, to get rid of her body and oblige everyone to forget about her. The perfect crime. She saw out of the corner of her eye that he was beginning to move again. What was that man made of? How could he struggle so fast against that paralyzing thing? He smiled again when he saw how desperate she was and opened his mouth to give her another order when a crash resounded in the whole flat. Someone just came in by force and was looking for something or someone in all the rooms. When the door of the bedroom flew off the handle, he finally had recovered all his abilities so well that he caught Rose and held the blade against her neck by himself. He felt her fear beating at the end of his blade. Four persons appeared at the door, three men – including two armed soldiers – and a woman who looked like just like Rose.

“Release my daughter immediately, you son of a bitch!” she yelled in the grip of violent anger.

“Oh, that’s cute! Mum and dad came to save you! Isn’t it wonderful!”

The man who wasn’t a soldier pushed the blonde woman behind him and faced Kilgrave. His self-control was admirable but he was glancing at Rose and at the blade against her throat. He was worried. Kilgrave was in a position of strength. No matter how many people there were, he could manipulate everyone.

“I’ve been doing researches about your abilities for a long time, Kilgrave. You truly are a curse.”

“I take it as a compliment.”

“However, and sadly for you, I found a parry against your powers.”

At that moment, Kilgrave noticed the strange little black stain that was shining on the temple of every newcomer. An anti-mental manipulation device.

“Clever.”

“And very efficient.”

“The situation stays the same.”

“Actually, it doesn’t.”

Taking advantage of the moment, Rose nudged him in the ribs. The sudden shock forced Kilgrave to let go of her with a swear word. Rose went straight behind her mother to take refuge, still shuddering because of the emotions. Jackie examined her attentively before going straight to Kilgrave and punching him. He burst out laughing in front of that violence he’d seen earlier that night.

“Listen to me very well little snot, you dared to touch my daughter and this is something I will never forgive you for.”

“I’m afraid I won’t be able to sleep anymore,” he said ironically.

“And you find it funny?”

Yes, the situation was very funny to his eyes. Mother and daughter were truly the same on several points. Kilgrave didn’t have any conscience, nor remorse. Nothing and no one could reach him. Although Rose Tyler had offended his ego. He felt the electric shock but didn’t see it coming. She had a Taser. The electric discharge left him on the ground. Jackie went back close to her daughter and equipped her with an anti-mental manipulation device before hugging her. Pete told the soldiers to seize Kilgrave and to handcuff him. The latter didn’t let himself get pushed around and struggled like a madman. They had to use a sedative to take him. A few words came to his ears before he gave in to the effects of the sedative.

“That’s not what I wanted.”

×

When he woke up hours later, Kilgrave was mad to find out he was in a glass cage. Once again. Pete Tyler personally told him that he was in Torchwood and that he was going to give a hand on some projects, whether he liked it or not. Kilgrave burst out laughing when he had heard that. Torchwood officers had tried to force him but he had obstinately refused to work with them. Physical and verbal threats didn’t change a thing. Then, when he had been tired of that little game, he finally accepted to be a part of those much talked about projects to one condition: Rose Tyler had to be his liaison officer. He would only work with her. He was expecting a “no” but, quite unexpectedly, she chose to satisfy his demands and to work with him for an indeterminate time…


	3. Take me home

Rose took a deep breath, placing a hand over her stomach. This was going to hurt but she had to do it. It was clear that she wasn’t the first priority in the Doctor’s life and that meant that neither was her child. She learned that she was pregnant about two weeks ago, right after their visit with Sarah Jane at the school. She had meant to tell the Doctor sooner – he was the father after all – but that was right before they landed on the French ship, that was before she saw him with Reinette, that was before he kissed her, before he let Reinette see into his mind. But, then, on top of all that, Reinette started traveling with them. Rose tried to just deal with it at first but then, Reinette started throwing herself at the Doctor. The last straw was when Rose found the Doctor on the floor with Reinette snogging on top of him. Her heart was shattered to say the least. She instantly started throwing her things into a suitcase and ran into the console room where the Doctor was already. She looked away from him, unable to even look him in the eyes.

“Take me home,” she said in a shaky breath, wiping the tears from her eyes.

The Doctor looked up at her and felt both of his hearts fall in his chest when he saw the tears on Rose’s face. Did he hear correctly? Did she just ask him to bring her back home? What was happening to her? “Wh-What?” was the only thing he could reply.

“Take me home,” Rose said again, gripping her bag tighter with nerves.

She kept her eyes locked on the floor, refusing to look at him. As much as this hurt, she had to do it. For both herself and her baby. He couldn’t believe Rose was really asking him to go back home. What had he done for her wanting to leave him? Why wasn’t she looking him in the eyes? He got closer to her and put his finger under her chin, forcing her to look up at him.

“Tell me what’s wrong. Are you feeling homesick?” he asked.

He knew it wasn’t the reason at all. Something had been wrong with her for days and he had been too busy swaggering around to talk with her. Rose jerked her head away when he placed his fingers under her chin.

“Don’t touch me,” she snapped, angrier than expected.

“Have I done something wrong?” The Doctor felt hurt by the reject. He knew he was unable to hurt her in any way. “I know I can be a jerk sometimes but I never was with you, right?”

Rose looked up at him, her eyes full of hurt and tears.

“You don’t even know what you did.”

She let out a harsh laugh at that, a tear rolling down her check. The Doctor now knew he had done something wrong and that something he couldn’t even remember hurt his Rose. That laugh and the look in her eyes broke his hearts into million pieces. He couldn’t bear the sight of Rose Tyler crying because of him.

“Tell me what I should do to be forgiven.”

“Just take me home.”

Rose sniffled, turning away from him. She hung her head, unable to stop the flow of tears that ran down her cheeks. He wanted to hug her so much but he felt like she was gonna reject him once again. He went to the console and launched the machine. He kept on looking at Rose, her crying face, her luggage. His hearts hurt. He was wondering how he would convince her to stay then changed his mind. He couldn’t force her to stay with him forever. She had the right to live her own life without him. Before the TARDIS landed in the Powell Estate, he couldn’t help but go straight to her and took her in his arms.

“My past self would have kidnapped you. I’m just gonna let you leave but, Rose Tyler, I-I don’t want you to go.”

“Don’t say that.” Rose moved out of his arms, blinking back tears. “Don’t lie to me. I’m so tired of lies.”

“I’m not lying. I’ve never lied to you. It hurts me to say this but you’re free to go if you want to. Just know that I’d rather die than seeing you turning your back on me and going through those doors.” He was now crying and didn’t care. That was too much to handle. “I can’t live without you. I’d rather face the Daleks’ fleet again than losing you. Don’t go. Please.”

“You don’t need me.” She turned her back to him. “You have _her_.”

Her voice was practically venom _._ The Doctor stopped breathing for a second, shocked by the tone she used.

“I-I don’t understand what you mean.”

“You chose her!” Rose practically shouted, her voice trembling with emotion.

“Oh,” he simply said.

He finally understood it was all about Reinette and the way they were acting together. Rose couldn’t help it anymore. Her body trembled with sobs as she grabbed her suitcase again, weakly moving to the doors.

“I saved her because I had to. I just couldn’t let her die. I’m the Doctor, I save people. But if you want me to choose, I choose you. It has always been you and will always be you.”

He ran to her before she reached the doors but tripped over something and fell to the ground at her feet.

“You’re not just one girl I picked in the whole universe. You are _my_ girl, _my_ Rose, the most important woman in my whole life. Look at me in the eyes, Rose, and tell me the truth: do you really wanna go?”

“Of course, I won’t,” she said in a broken voice. “But I can’t stay here with you. Not when she’s here. Not when I have to watch you flirt and snog her in front of me. I can’t--I just can’t!”

“I love you” was all he could answer. It was just a whisper but he felt like he had yelled it.

“STOP LYING!” Rose shouted, louder than she intended.

He got up and got closer to her.

“I’m not lying,” he said as he leant to kiss her.

She was too stunned to react at the kiss. After a few seconds, she came back to her senses and pulled back.

“Just go,” she said in a broken voice. “I’m sure Reinette is waiting for you.”

“She means nothing to me and never will! Why don’t you just understand?” he said, kind of pissed off.

He sighed, took a deep breath and finally let go. If she wanted to leave, fine _._

“Before you go, I have to tell you that I know what you’ve been hiding from me.”

Her face paled at his last words. How could he know? She had been so secretive.

“W-What?” she stuttered out nervously.

“You’ve felt sick for days. You told me it was nothing. Just a cold. But I was worried so I asked the TARDIS to scan you while you were sleeping,” he admitted with some shame.

He didn’t like doing things behind her back but he had to know.

“I’m sorry. I should have told you sooner that I knew you were pregnant.”

She took a shaky breath.

“I can’t raise my child with her.” Rose specially said “my” instead of “our”. “I used to think you’d protect me through everything… but not anymore. Cause I’m nothing. Just a stupid human. A dumb shop girl with no A-levels. What am I compared to a successful French Mistress? I’m not accomplished. I’m not anything.”

“Rose…” he whispered with a sad smile. “My beautiful Rose, pregnant with my child. Don’t say such a thing. You know I’ll never let you down. This child is ours. We will raise him together.” He sighed, hoping she wouldn’t leave now, and added with a smile: “Would you allow me to show you something? Promise it won’t be long.”

Rose looked unsure. “What is it?” she asked sceptically, still not sure about what to do right now. He took her hand and led her through the corridors of the TARDIS. He was feeling a little nervous. Suddenly, he stopped on front of a door and gave Rose a nervous smile before opening the door. They came in a room under construction but it was clearly a room for a child. The Doctor ruffled his hair.

“The TARDIS and Reinette helps me a lot. I wanted it to be a surprise.”

Rose looked at the room with wide eyes, stumbling back. She opened her mouth but words seemed to fail her. She took another step back, her back hitting into the wall.

“You-You don’t like it?” he said, unsure of how to interpret her reaction.

“I-I…” She took a deep breath. “I love it.”

“Really?”

She slowly nodded. Her answer made him so happy he did a little dance before hugging her really tight.

“Rose Tyler, I can promise you that our child will be the happiest child in all the universes. If you stay with me of course.”

Rose didn’t hug back right away.

“I don’t know,” she said quietly. “Whatever happened to ‘no domestics’?”

It was then that Reinette poked her head into the room.

“My love?” she called out.

“My past self was kind of a grumpy bear. He didn’t know how to handle the feelings he had for you.”

He openly ignored Reinette who was calling for him. Rose heard her and took a step back. Reinette stepped further into the room.

“My lonely angel, I’ve been looking everywhere for you.”

“Not now,” he answered with a cold tone. He put his hand on Rose’s cheek and smiled to her. “Sometimes, I just walk in there and sit for hours, thinking about our future. I don’t see it without you. Never. Just think about it.” _He said before leaving the room._

“My love, shall I be seeing you later tonight?” Reinette called after him.

Rose winced at that and covered her face with her hands. She slowly slid down the wall, sitting on the floor as she sobbed. The Doctor stopped for a second and said:

“We’ve already talked about this.”

Then, he left and went out. He needed to walk, to breathe some fresh air and to think. Rose was still in the baby’s room, crying silently. She didn’t know what to do anymore. Did the Doctor really love her? She didn’t even know. Words mean nothing when your actions contradict them.

The Doctor was walking in the streets of London, silently, lost in his thoughts. He wondered how to prove Rose that he really loved her and that he wasn’t lying. He stopped for a moment and looked up at the London Eye. He smiled at the view and put his hands in his coat’s pockets. His fingers touched something that gave him a sudden idea and made him rush to Jackie’s flat.

Rose was still inside the baby’s room, looking at the crib with Gallifreyan symbols. She sighed to herself, unsure of what to do. Of course she loved the Doctor but she couldn’t ‘share’ him with Reinette.

The Doctor had a hard time explaining Jackie what he wanted to do. She had slapped him several times and insulted him many more. She had also cried a lot when he said how much he loved Rose and wanted her to be his wife forever. After a lot of threats, she finally allowed him to do what he had planned. He ran to the TARDIS and had a talk with Reinette. He explained her that she couldn’t act like this with him anymore. It was fun and all but she had to go back to her normal life.

Rose had no idea any of this was even going on. She stayed in the baby’s room, liking being by herself. It was nice. Besides, she needed some time alone.

Hours passed by. The Doctor had a very long talk with Reinette and felt tired of all this running. However, he wouldn’t be able to sleep if he didn’t get things done now. So he went to the baby’s room and gave a soft knock on the door.

Rose slowly stood up and wiped her tears. She took a deep breath and opened the door.

“Doctor?”

“Can we talk? Or maybe you want some rest?”

He knew he could not wait to talk to her but he also hated to see her feeling so bad. He was feeling guilty. He was the reason this was happening.

“Is she gone?” Rose asked quietly, referring to Reinette.

“I’ve talked to her. She decided to start a new life in this century. She’s gonna travel on her own. Maybe go back in France. It’s just the two of us now.”

“Does that ruin timelines?” She frowned again. “She’s a part of History. She’s supposed to be in France.”

“Oh, you’re right. Then, I suppose I just have to bring her back and erase all the memories she has about me, about the TARDIS and everything. The future Madame de Pompadour is supposed to be in France, who am I to argue with History?”

He smiled. He was sad but he knew it was the best thing to do. Traveling with her had been a mistake. Taking her away from History where she was kind of a fixed point was another one, a huge one. How could have he been so stupid?

Rose simply nodded, not sure of what else to say. She looked down at her feet, biting her bottom lip nervously.

“Rose, I… err…”

He had so many things to tell her but didn’t know where to start. His mind was a mess and he kept on stuttering things like an idiot.

“What?” Rose slowly raised her head back up to look at him.

“It’s better if I show you.”

And he put his fingers on her temple and connected his mind to hers so she could read the memories he wanted to show her. He showed her everything from his first incarnation to his last, all the best moments of his lives and all the bad, all the emotions he had ever felt from despair to happiness, all the moments they had spent together, all the laughs, the tears, the adventures they’d share, the moment he’d learnt he was gonna be a father.

Rose’s eyes widened in surprise as all the memories and emotions entered her mind. She looked up at him, unsure of what to say.

“Doctor…”

“Rose Tyler, I once told you that you could spend the rest of your life with me. I want now to spend the rest of mines with you. Will you accept that gift of immortality and become my wife for the best and for the worse of what’s to come?”

And as he was saying those words, he put one knee down and pulled a square thing out of his pocket. This was the only way for him to keep her forever without seeing her aging and dying.

Rose was too shocked to even speak. Tears of joy filled her eyes as she looked down at the ring in his hand. She slowly nodded her hand. “Yes” she whispered quietly. “Yes, yes, yes.”

The Doctor thought the silence was too long when the answer came. It was a small yes followed by several others. He needed some seconds to realize. She had said yes. She wanted to be his wife forever. Tears were falling down his cheeks but they were tears of joy. He got up, put the ring at her finger and smiled through the tears.

“Rose Tyler, you’ve just made me the happiest man in all the time and space.”

Rose blinked back tears of joy and rushed forward, hugging him tight. “I love you”, she whispered into his ear.

“I love you to the moon and back,” he answered, hugging her back. “And I love our little baby, though he’s not born yet. He’s gonna have the best mother ever.”

She cried tears of joy into the crook of his neck.

“I love you so much”.

Rose hugged him tighter.

“Never try to leave me again, okay?” he said as he pressed his lips against hers. “This is our happy ending, my love.”

“I’ll never leave you.” She kissed him again. “I love you.”

She rested her forehead against his. The Doctor didn’t move at all. He kept her in his arms. He’d never let her go. He looked at her in the eyes and saw all the happiness she was feeling and all the love she had for him. He knew she could see the same in his eyes. He kissed her forehead. Everything was now fine. Everything would always be fine as long as he had his Rose with him.


	4. Echo

_“I'm going to die. Some new man goes sauntering away, and I'm dead.”_

He knew he was gonna die, and that was hard to accept. He had liked this form, this character. Even if that tenth version of him had lost everything, he still liked that version, and didn't want to regenerate, to become another man again. However, the prophecy was real. Four knocks. The day he would hear four knocks would be the day he would die. And he had heard them. Now, he was feeling powerless, watching the memories of these three years of time in this body passing before his eyes.

He surely was the Doctor who regretted. The Doctor who lost the most in the battle of life. Now, he was alone again, and he would die alone. This time, there was no Rose Tyler to watch over him after his regeneration, no Donna Noble to get him back on the right track if he was doing something wrong. The new him was gonna have to get through all of this alone. To find someone worth the running. To find his own way to deal with the pain of the constant loss. He was so done with all that pain, with all those lost people, and yet, he didn’t want to go.

_“I could do so much more. So much more! But this is what I get. My reward. Well, it's not fair!”_

He was a Time Lord, a master of Time. He was part of the most powerful species in the universes, and he could create, erase and modify time lines. He could twist them and play with them like a kid would play with a puppet. He was in control of almost everyone’s life, and yet, he couldn’t change, couldn’t rewrite, the time lines of the people he loved, of all the people he had lost. Sure, he could still go back and convince Martha to come back with him but it wouldn’t be unfair of him to do so. However, he could never see Rose again, and Donna would never remember the adventures they had had together. And there was the Master. The only Time Lord to have survived apart from him. A friend of his who had chosen to die in his arms instead of regenerating in a new form. His unexpected return though sounded the death knell for him. He had lived for too long. Now was his time to go, and to save Wilf’s life.

_“I'm not just a Time Lord. I'm the last of the Time Lords.”_

The words sounded bitter on his tongue and he wished he could take them back, wished that War never happened. He was a Time Lord. The last of them. He was the master of Time, but he couldn't do anything to change the fixed point that was the Time War, to fix all the death and disappearances he had been the cause. Maybe he really had lived for too long now. He had seen too many people dying because of him, and regretted ever crossing their paths. They all had accomplished great things together, but in the end, he was meant to be alone, meant to lose a part of him with every death occurring because of him. He was tired of all of this, tired of watching everything turning into dust when he touched it. He was a Doctor, he was supposed to heal, and he was only creating wounds, only causing pain and death. And it hated this.

_“I don't wanna go.”_

There would be no new destinations, no running anymore. His trainers and pinstriped suits would forever be lost into the immensity of the TARDIS’ wardrobe. There wouldn’t be any more _‘Allons-y!’_ , no more adventures. Despite all the loss and despair and powerlessness, he still liked the Doctor he had been. He still liked that version of him, the skinny foxy Doctor with sticky-up hair, the funny-clever-but-rude combination he had been.

The running was stopping here for him. His trainers were tired of running and so was he. Now was the time to change. There would be no friends to help him through the regeneration this time. He was alone. More alone than he had ever been. More destroyed than he had ever been. He had gone through a lot of pain, through a lot of loss but there were also good times. He would always remember them. He would cherish them. He didn’t want to go, but he had no choice. After all, he still had some brilliant things to live, some brilliant things to tell. _Allons-y!_


	5. Need you now

It had been days since he saw Rose for the last time. After their last trip to Ketarah Tri, she had locked herself in her room, saying she needed some rest and that she didn’t want her sleep to be disturbed. At first, he had frowned because their trip on Ketarah Tri had been pretty quiet – they had just stopped there to do some picnic, some sort of a break after all the running they had done – but then, he had remembered that she was only human and needed much more rest and sleep than he did. So, he had just let her get the rest she wanted, and while she was sleeping, he had been tinkering and reading and making a list of the places he wanted to take her when she would feel fully rested. It had taken him no more than a few hours, not enough time for her to have slept enough, and he had started to feel really bored, but he couldn’t disturb her sleep. She would strangle him if he did without a good reason.

However, as time was passing by, he had started to grow really worried about her. First, it had been hours. It was annoying for him, but he couldn’t do much against it. She was human, and humans did need a lot of sleep. They needed eight hours night sleep, sometimes more and that was why they were taking naps. But when Rose didn’t come out of the room after more than twelve hours, he had started thinking that it wasn’t normal at all and had tried to get in her room. He had found the door locked though, and it had worried him even more. Especially because the sonic couldn’t unlock it. She was keeping him away from her room, from her, and he hated it. He had paced up and down in front of her room and only gotten a note saying that he better get away from here before she kicked him out of that corridor. He did get away, but had come back less than an hour later to try and get into her room again.

He had done so for the next following days, but never got another note or another word from Rose. She had just remained silently locked into her room, and the TARDIS wasn’t telling him what was going on. Rose had never answered either, and that was worrying him as much as it was driving him mad. On the fourth day, he gave up and went back to his tinkering under the console, but his mind was so distracted by his worries that he couldn’t focus on what he was doing. The TARDIS hated it and sent him a warning in the form of an electrical discharge that shook him badly.

“Are you out of your mind?!”

He shot her a dirty look and the TARDIS explicitly expressed her displeasure of him being so distracted while tinkering. He needed to stop being so worried. She had kept a close eye on Rose and she was perfectly okay. She had just needed a lot of rest.

“I can’t help but be worried when my companion, my _friend_ , locks herself into her room for days and refuses to talk to me. She didn’t even come out of that room to eat. How am I supposed to not be worried?”

The TARDIS simply made him understand how idiot he was for thinking that she wouldn’t take care her of his pink and yellow girl all this time she had kept him away. She had just needed some time off without him coming around and babbling about some alien thing he would have thought of.

“I can’t stop being worried. I’m sure you’ve noticed how good I am at bringing back luck to people travelling with me. And I don’t want it to happen to my Rose.”

“So, I’m your Rose now?”

He was so busy arguing with his old girl that he hadn’t heard Rose coming into the console room. He heard her slumping on the pilot before he was even out of his hidden spot. He blushed, embarrassed that she had heard this. He only referred her as his Rose in his thoughts. He hadn’t known that she was around or he wouldn’t have said it out loud.

“Well, you’re my friend. So, you’re mine in a way.”

Nice way to retrieve the situation. Her chuckle was enough for him to feel better and for his worries to fly away. She was laughing at him being incredibly awkward in her presence. Which was pretty embarrassing in the end.

“She’s right. Stop worrying about me. She gave me everything I needed, but I’ve slept most of the time.”

He could hear the smile in her voice and that made his hearts flutter uncontrollably. Damn it! She was driving him crazy in every possible way. He came out of his hidden spot, being careful not to hit his head or get another discharge. One was enough.

“So, you’re telling me you’ve slept most of the time? You’ve slept for days, Rose.”

“No, it’s just been a few hours. You’ve worn me out lately.”

She laughed lightly. She had just needed a couple hours to rest and that was all. She had been feeling really tired when they had come home from their picnic and had just needed to sleep. She wouldn’t tell him that she might have caught a cold, and that she was still feeling a bit weak and dizzy. He would never stop saying how vulnerable she was as a human being.

“It’s been four days and…”

He had turned around and finally put his eyes on Rose. He couldn’t end his sentence. What had just been a couple of hours in her opinion had actually been four days of sleeping, but if she had slept all along those four days, why was she looking so exhausted? He could tell that she had taken a shower before coming out of her room just by the familiar scent of her shampoo and soap, and because her hair was still wet, but she didn’t look good and his worries came back clutching his hearts again. He walked to her quickly.

“Are you alright?”

She didn’t look alright at all, and his all face was showing the worry he was feeling right now. She just smiled at him and scratched her forehead lightly.

“I’m perfectly fine. ‘S just a headache from the oversleeping.”

“You don’t look fine.”

“Stop worrying, Doctor. I’m good.”

“You’re not good. What’s going on?”

“Told you. Just a headache from oversleeping.”

Deep down, he knew there was something more. Something she was refusing to tell him and he hated the fact she was keeping things secret from him. They were friends, she wasn’t supposed to keep things hidden from him. He took her hand in his and gently rubbed her temple. She was burning hot. He bit his lip lightly.

“You’re not good,” he repeated. “Let me scan you.”

“No.”

“Rose.”

“I’m fine.”

“You’ve been sleeping four days and still look exhausted as hell, and you’ve got some fever. You’re not fine. Let me scan you.”

He made his voice sound a bit more authoritarian and she sighed softly. He wouldn’t let her go so easily but she had to try. She didn’t want him to think that she was weak or anything. She would be fine in a couple of days. It was just a cold. Nothing to worry about, really.

“Doctor, it’s useless. I’m good. Have you thought about our next travel?”

The Doctor didn’t reply and just looked at her with concern. He would not give in so easily. Whether she wanted it or not, she would tell him what was wrong. He wouldn’t take her anywhere until she felt better.

“How long have you been feeling this way?”

“Doctor, it’s just a cold. Nothing more than just a cold. I won’t die from it. It’ll be away in a few days. The TARDIS took great care of me, I swear.”

The Doctor mentally told the TARDIS that they needed to have a talk later together. He was pretty angry at her for keeping him away, but he was more concerned about Rose’s condition. Rose sighed softly again and closed her eyes.

“Have you got some more aspirin? I’ve taken some before sleeping hours ago, but they didn’t work much.”

The Doctor didn’t reply and put the hand in the pocket of his brown pinstriped pants to pull out his sonic screwdriver. She felt that his idea of scanning her hadn’t left his mind and she just caught his hand before he could pull out the sonic. She opened her eyes and looked at him. His eyes were full of concern when hers were just vacant. She didn’t have that spark of life and excitement he loved so much anymore.

“I said it was useless.”

He kept silent once again and looked at the hand weakly holding his own hand. That’s when he noticed something. He quickly but gently grabbed her wrist and pulled her sleeve up. There, he observed the spot on her arm. It was as big as the tip of his thumb and highly infected. It was dark purple and badly swollen. A few tentacles of the same colour were surrounding the spot and were spreading on all her arm.

“You shouldn’t have kept this hidden from me.”

“It’s not a cold,” she finally admitted.

“No, it’s blood poisoning. When did you get it?”

“It was just a spot.”

“It’s not just a spot anymore.”

His voice was showing that he was angry at her for hiding this from him, but he was more concerned than angry actually. He would not accept any more refusals from her though. She would answer his questions.

“When?”

“When we were picnicking on Ketarah Tri. A bee stung me. It was no big deal, but then, I started growing really tired and feeling very dizzy and sick.”

“Why?”

“I didn’t want to worry you for something as unimportant as a bee sting.”

“You should have. Ketarahian bees secrete a very particular poison. Some species can resist it, but are going through a hard time for days before the poison gets out of their blood system. Humans immune system isn’t strong enough to do so. It’s deadly for them.”

“I’m gonna die?”

Her voice was weak, and the fear was present in it. She finally realised that it had been a mistake to keep that sting hidden from the Doctor. She could have died from it and he wouldn’t have known. What a stupid death. Sometimes being stubborn and standing up to him wasn’t a very good idea.

“No. I know exactly what I need to do to save you. You’ll just feel miserable for the next couple days.”

He gathered her in his arms since she was too weak to walk on her own and carried her to her room. He laid her down on her bed and quickly walked to the infirmary. He picked up everything he needed and went back to Rose’s room. He sat down beside her and grabbed her arm carefully. The first step was to remove the stinger. It took him around ten minutes to finally pull it off, and that wasn’t painless. He hated hearing Rose’s whimpers but he had no choice to take it off. She knew it and that was why she was biting her lip instead of crying out in pain. Though there were tears of pain in her eyes. The second step was to clean the wound. Once the stinger was removed, the spot was less big and less painful. He put a bandage around it and forbid Rose from even try to scratch it. The last step was the antidote.

“Drink down in one go,” he told her, giving her a small cup of a yellowish fluid.

She did as told and choked a bit on it. He put the cup away and gave her some water to make the taste disappear. Now, she would need a lot of rest. She would be sick as hell in the next few days. The good thing was he wasn’t gonna let her go through this all alone. He tucked the covers all around her and laid down next to her, wrapping his arms around her body. She immediately curled up against him, nuzzling her head in his chest, and fell asleep in no time. She would always be fine, as long as he was watching over the tiny little human she was.


	6. Animal I have become

A monster. That was all she was now. A real monster, and she couldn’t do much about it. Oh, she hated the Doctor right now. She really hated him with all her heart and soul, because everything was his fault in the end. He was the one who had taken her away from her little quiet life with her mother. He was the one who had opened her mind, who had showed her a better way to live her life. And it had been wonderful, really. She had never regretted travelling with him. It had been amazing to find out that her human life was just a tiny little detail in the infinity of the universe, that there was so much more to life than she would have ever imagined. Her human troubles were so pointless compared to the Doctor’s high responsibilities, and she had underestimated those responsibilities, laughing when he had said that the worlds were revolving around him. And now his responsibilities were consuming her.

When the Doctor had sent her back on Earth to protect her from the Daleks, her only will had been to go back to him. She couldn’t accept his death – Daleks knew about regeneration, they would have shot him dead the minute the process would have started – couldn’t live without him anymore so she had disobeyed and watched into the TARDIS’ heart to save him from a certain death. She should have known there would have been consequences. He had explicitly told her and Jack that no one could look into the TARDIS and get away unharmed, but she hadn’t thought twice. The power of the TARDIS had been her only way to save the man she loved. Oh, she did love that daft old man who now looked younger and foxy, and that was why she could hate him with such force. She had taken all the possible risks ever to save him from the Daleks, and now her life had changed forever.

The power had been burning in her veins for a few minutes when she finally met again with him on Satellite 5, but there was already nothing left of Rose Tyler when the TARDIS’ doors opened. She was the Bad Wolf, the Goddess of Time, and the infinite power of Time had burned every single cell in her body. The Doctor hadn’t been quick enough when he had tried to saved her. It was already too late by the time he kissed her to remove the Time Vortex from her brain. The harm had already been done, and she was now a fixed point in Time and Space. They couldn’t go backwards, they couldn’t save Rose Tyler from the Bad Wolf power. Now, Rose Tyler was barely more than just a small conscience into her own body that had been stolen by the Goddess of Time. They should have seen it coming. _He_ should have seen it coming, because it hadn’t been immediate. Maybe they could have reversed before, but now, it was too late.

She was herself when she woke up minutes later in the TARDIS, and the Doctor was himself too, though he was joking around while he was dying. He never told her what had happened. She just remembered looking the TARDIS’ heart. She just remembered the song. And then, she woke up in the TARDIS with a headache and a hole in her memory. She never asked because she was too worried about him, about the regeneration thing. He had changed, and she wasn’t sure if it was still him, if he would still want her, and all her hopes were rewarded when he spent Christmas with them, when she showed her the next star they were gonna visit. But she was already showing some signs of fatigue – she had tried very hard to hide them so he wouldn’t say a thing about the humans and their fragile biology – and he had decided that it was for the best if they spent a few days on Earth for them to rest.

Her troubles had started that very night. After the Doctor left her in front of her room, she had changed into her pyjamas and slipped into her bed. She had fallen asleep immediately, but her sleep was disturbed by a lot of nightmares. Nightmares full of Daleks, nightmares where her Doctor didn’t save her in time, and when she had woken up, it was to find out that her hands were glowing with a golden glow, and the song was back in her head. She couldn’t find sleep again after that, and she hadn’t said anything to the Doctor. It was useless to bother him with what was probably just an illusion, but she was feeling more and more tired, and he was growing worried. She could see it. She could _feel_ it in the back of her mind as if she was sharing a telepathic bound with the Doctor. Which she wasn’t. She would know if she had such abilities. She was human, she didn’t have that kind of ability.

The Doctor had wanted to do some shopping, and Rose had lied to go with him. She was walking hand in hand with him in the streets and the Doctor was babbling about something when it all went wrong. She had suddenly felt a violent pain in her head. She had realised that she was screaming only when he had taken her against him, until her scream was muffled by his brown coat. He hadn’t understood what was going on, but soon as he saw the gold glow of her hands and eyes, he had brought her back to the TARDIS. Tears were rolling down her cheeks as the pain increased in her head. She was now able to read all the Doctor’s thoughts, and most of them were questions about what was happening to _his_ Rose, and once he had scanned her, only two words filled his mind and hers: Bad Wolf. The Bad Wolf was still in there. It was still in her head, and it was slowly killing her.

There was that voice in her head, a voice that was scaring her. The words it was saying, the images it was showing her had made her scream even more. She had pushed the Doctor away when the voice had started to tell her to hurt him and she had run away in the TARDIS, hoping that the old girl would help her to hide in a place the Doctor wouldn’t be able to come in. She had wished for it just to protect the Doctor, and the TARDIS had given her the perfect room for it. A cell. She couldn’t get away from it and the Doctor couldn’t get in it. Rose had spent the last few hours in that room, screaming because of the pain, scratching her own skin with her nails, hitting the walls and ground, struggling against the thing taking over her mind and body, but she was so weak, and her mind was burning with the golden threads of Time. And it had consumed her mind until there was nothing left of Rose Tyler.

She had become the Bad Wolf. Literally. Her human body had turned into a golden wolf’s body after hours of endless pain and what was left of her human mind had been pushed away into some distant part of the Wolf mind. She was just a bubble. Nothing more than just a fragile bubble surrounded by evil thoughts of torture and blood and slaughter and manipulation, and she couldn’t do anything to get in control again. She was terrified. Beyond terrified. Her fragile bubble could be shattered in a few seconds and it would be the end of Rose Tyler. She couldn’t let that happen though. She had to fight, to take the control of her body and mind, but she was so tired. All her energy had been drained by the Wolf who was now pacing around in the cell, thinking about a way to get out of that room and lay her paw on that damn Doctor.

×

The Doctor was pacing in the console room, his hands ruffling his hair as he was thinking about what had just happened. Rose, _his_ Rose, was in trouble. It was a really big trouble, and he was cursing himself for not being able to see it earlier. He should have seen it. He should have felt it. But he was still trying to adjust to his new body, and he hadn’t been aware of the signals. And now, Rose was in serious trouble. He knew where she was locked. The TARDIS had told him, and she was also telling him what was going on in that cell Rose had locked herself in. It wasn’t good, it wasn’t good at all and he had no idea of what he should do to help her. A wolf. She had become a wolf. Literally. He had thought he had removed it all, but it was still there clinging to her mind and there was nothing he could do to take it out of her right now because she wouldn’t let him in. Because Rose Tyler probably didn’t exist anymore.

He slumped on the pilot seat and sighed deeply. He rubbed his face with his hands. What could he do now to help Rose? How could he bring her back if she was still there? There must be a way. He couldn’t just stay there and do nothing. He had to help her, he had to bring her back. He wouldn’t be able to keep going without her. He _needed_ her. Why would he have done all of this if it wasn’t for her? He couldn’t lose her. Not now. Not like this. Not because of him. He looked up at the ceiling.

“Why did you let her do this?”

The TARDIS made a small sound of complaint because of the accusation in his voice. He was blaming her for what had happened to her, but she was for nothing in this. She had resisted when Rose tried to open her heart, but she couldn’t do much against the truck breaking her open. She couldn’t be held responsible for everything that had happened. Neither could he. He wasn’t responsible for what Rose had done. It had been her decision. Only hers. Plus, Bad Wolf had been written in Time and Space long before she took her decision. It was a fixed point. No one would have been able to change what had happened. Changing History was never a good thing, and Rose Tyler as the Bad Wolf was a part of History.

“But I just can’t let this happen!” _The Doctor argued pointing a finger towards the corridor._

His Rose was locked somewhere in the infinity of the TARDIS, in a room he couldn’t get in, and she was alone. Alone, and stuck in the body of the Bad Wolf who used her weak human constitution to take over. Thankfully, the TARDIS had locked the entity in a room where she would be unable to do any harm, and when the old girl told him it was Rose who had asked for it, the Doctor couldn’t help but have a small smile. His precious girl had thought about it before she got overwhelmed by the Wolf. He closed his eyes and sank into his own mind, looking for a particular timeline – not his, he was never allowed to see his own future. He was looking for Rose’s one. He wasn’t very surprised to see how tangled her timeline was with his, but he was surprised to find out that a third timeline was tangling with theirs. The Wolf one. And everything became fuzzy when the three timelines met each other and tangled themselves so tight it was impossible to distinguish them.

“Doctor?”

There was a knock on the door, but the Doctor was too deep in his mind to even hear it. The TARDIS opened her door and let a small young brunette came in. She looked around, looking for the Doctor or Rose but couldn’t see any of them around.

“Doctor? Rose? Are you in there?”

The brunette walked up to the console. She spotted the Doctor slumped on the pilot seat, his eyes closed. She smiled thinking that he was sleeping there. Rose was probably not far. Probably finding a way to bring the sleeping Doctor into his room or looking for a blanket. They were always taking care of each other that way. It was cute. The small woman walked close to the Doctor and put a hand on his shoulder. She shook him lightly, but got no immediate reaction from him. The Doctor frowned though. The woman sudden touch on him had frozen the time and every timeline around him became a blur. Everything became grey. Time was in flux, a decision needed to be made, and that decision, whatever it was, would decide the fate of Rose Tyler. And that fate, better be a good one. The Doctor opened his eyes and jumped on his feet, making the brunette start. He looked at her, half confused, half in a hurry.

“Clara?”

Clara Oswald was Rose’s best friend. She was working as a teacher in Coal Hill school. The Doctor had met her when Rose and him had to chase an alien that was hiding in the school. Clara had helped a lot to catch the alien and send him back to his planet, but she had refused to come for a trip or two, saying that people needed her on Earth. And that she would be their eyes there. If anything happened she would call them.

“Yeah, it’s me. I’ve come to see if Rose was ready for our post-Christmas shopping.”

“Clara Oswald.”

“Are you still suffering from that regeneration thing or have you just gone insane?”

The Doctor tried to see the timelines again. They were twisting, changing, and everything was definitely grey. They weren’t just minutes ago. Everything changed when Clara came around. Which meant she had a link with it all. Which meant she could change it all. He suddenly hugged her tight.

“Clara Oswald, you are one brilliant girl!”

She looked at him, confused, but she didn’t have the time to ask any question before he grabbed her hand and started running through the TARDIS’ corridors. Clara had no choice but to follow him, to run with him, wondering where the hell was Rose, and what was happening with that daft alien. He stopped in front of a metallic door full of locks, a door that seemed as thick as heavy. Whatever was behind, it was something dangerous and Clara felt a shiver run down her spine. She couldn’t tell if it was fear or excitation.

“What the hell is wrong with you?” she asked him when she could breathe again. “Where’s Rose? Why are you taking me there?”

“I have a problem, Clara Oswald. A real big problem. And it’s about Rose.”

“Get straight to the point.”

“Rose is the Bad Wolf. She looked into the TARDIS’ heart and absorbed the Time Vortex. She became the Goddess of Time for a few minutes only to save me.”

“And you removed it from her before the power could kill her which caused you to regenerate, I know. I’ve heard the story.”

“No. That’s what we all thought.”

“What do you mean?”

“The Bad Wolf had already settled its claws deep in Rose’s body when I managed to take it out. I could only remove a small part of it. The Bad Wolf was still in her and I didn’t see it in time.”

He clenched his fists and jaw, angry against himself to have been so blind, to have thought that the Wolf was definitely gone. She had showed signs. Fatigue, headache, dizziness, sparks of gold in her eyes, nightmares. He had felt the timelines being indistinct around his precious girl, and he hadn’t put two and two together.

“What does that mean, Doctor?”

The Doctor noticed the frown on her face, the pain in her eyes. She was starting to understand, and she was blaming him. The TARDIS could say everything she wanted, it was _his_ fault. If he had never met Rose, she would never have been in such a situation. And the TARDIS told him once again that the Bad Wolf was a fixed point of Time, that it would have happened anyway. He swallowed the knot in his throat.

“It means that the Bad Wolf has taken over Rose, but… Since she’s human, it could kill her.”

“You, damn alien!”

She slapped him across the face and he didn’t even try to stop her. He knew he was to blame. That’s always how it was. Death was his constant companion. Everyone touching him even for just a second were dying in terrible ways. Maybe he should start traveling alone again, just like it was after the war. Maybe that would be for the best. Could he really get rid of Rose Tyler though? The question wouldn’t be a problem anymore if he wasn’t doing anything now.

“You better find a solution to save her or Jackie won’t be your only trouble!”

“You are the solution.”

“What?” she asked, taken aback.

“I was looking for a solution, watching the timelines to see if there was any answer, but there wasn’t any until you came in. You touched me and everything became grey! Grey!”

“And that’s supposed to be good news?”

“It means that you’re the only one able to bring Rose back. There’s a big question mark on that very moment, and only you have the answer to our problem.”

“But…”

“Listen. The TARDIS is keeping me out of the room, but she knows as well as me that you’re the only person who can do something. Whatever it is. You’re the only one able to save Rose.”

“Okay. So how do I come in?”

If she was the only one able to save Rose, then, be it. She would come in, but the Doctor would hear from her for a long time after this event. She should be afraid, she knew it, but she wasn’t, because it was Rose. And Rose had run across the universes to save the planets, to save the Earth, more than anyone would ever know. Clara could do this. She could save her best friend.

“The TARDIS will open the door for you when you’ll be ready. There will be a force field. You can go through it without any trouble but the Bad Wolf won’t be able to come out. It disappears soon as the door is closed, but if the Wolf becomes aggressive, it will be up again to protect you.”

“Why can’t you…”

“That wasn’t how it was written.”

Clara shrugged lightly and faced the door. She closed her eyes and breathed in deeply. She opened them again, determined to save her best friend from the Wolf’s claws. Like the Doctor had told her, the door unlocked itself when the TARDIS felt that she was ready. She walked through it and felt the presence of the force field right behind. She went through it, feeling like she was sinking into cold water. She could hear the door locking itself again behind her.

“I knew you wouldn’t resist the envy of facing me, Doctor.”

The voice was definitely not Rose’s. Clara was out of the field now and she was in the small bare room. It was almost like an isolation room from a mental institute. White. All white. The Wolf was laid in a corner, perfectly still, perfectly calm. Clara remained silent looking at the golden wolf who used to be her best friend before and she had to fight back tears coming at the corner of her eyes.

“I’m not the Doctor.”

The Wolf opened its eyes and raised its head. It looked at Clara curiously. Thanks to Rose’s memories that were still there, it could know who she was, and what she meant to its host. It almost laughed. The coward didn’t come himself of course.

“Coward.”

“He can’t get in. The TARDIS is keeping him away.”

“So he chose to send another human to slaughter. Very Time Lord.”

“He says I’m the only one who can save Rose.”

“Rose… Oh, the blonde human, right? It was already too late for her when she walked out of the TARDIS back on Satellite 5.”

“What have you done to her?”

“I needed a host. She was there.”

“Can’t you just get back into the TARDIS’ heart?”

“Why would I?”

“Of course, why would you go back to your harmless little cocoon when you could be out and messing with timelines?”

“Clever girl.”

“Find another host.”

Clara could have sworn that the Wolf was laughing at her. As if the Wolf could find another host. No, it couldn’t. It needed a child of Time, someone who had already travel through the Vortex, and Rose Tyler was the perfect host. She was strong. She was still resisting there, in her little fragile bubble, and the Wolf could feel her fear. It was almost unbearable. Humans and their feelings.

“What do you from the Doctor anyway? Kill him. We’re three.”

“No. Killing the Doctor wouldn’t be a good thing.”

“So what?”

“I just need to get a hold on his mind, to settle into it.”

“What for?”

“He’s the last of the Time Lords. He’s the only person in the whole universe to have control of me, and I don’t want that to happen.”

“Oh God, ruler of the world complex. Can’t you bad guys have something more original in mind?”

“Humans and their so narrow minds,” sighed the Wolf.

“Bring her back.”

Clara didn’t care about the Wolf’s intentions. She didn’t care what it wanted to do with the Doctor. She just knew that she had to get Rose back before it was too late. Rose might be strong, such an entity couldn’t stay for long in her mind and body without causing any harm.

“I still need her.”

“Bring.her.back.”

“Or what?”

Clara was getting really pissed off by the Wolf and its attitude. The Wolf was just mocking her, and playing around to get what it wanted. The Doctor’s sonic screwdriver appeared in Clara’s hand, much to her surprise. The Wolf laughed again – well, it’s was a groan that looked like a laugh.

“I really don’t know what this thing is doing, but I suppose you’d rather not know it.”

If the TARDIS was giving that to her, it meant that she could use it against the Wolf one way or another, and maybe take advantage of the situation. Talking to the wolf was useless, but maybe she could reach Rose and help her to take the control back. The Wolf didn’t seem impressed at all though.

“The Doctor never carries any weapon. This thing can’t do me any harm, but I can erase it from Time.”

“No. No, you can’t. The TARDIS made sure of that. You can’t use any of your powers here. Whatever they are.”

“Doesn’t change much the fact that this screwdriver won’t hurt me.”

“Wanna bet on your life?”

“I’m immortal.”

“I don’t care. Just give Rose back to me, or I press that button,” threatened Clara pointing the screwdriver on the Wolf.

Once again, the Wolf just laughed, and Clara pressed the button. The tip of the screwdriver had a blue light on which meant it was working though nothing seemed to happen. Clara got disappointed. Why would the TARDIS give that screwdriver to her if it was defective? But then, she realised that it was doing something to the Wolf who was trying to escape from something that was attacking it, that was weakening it, and Clara understood that it was ultrasounds. She couldn’t hear them, but the Wolf could.

“Brilliant!” she murmured for herself. “Now listen to me: Rose, I know you still in there, and I know it’s hard, but you’ve got to fight. The Doctor is trying to find a solution to bring you back but he needs you to be strong, stronger than the Wolf. It’s easy to say but I know you can do it. The Doctor knows it too. He trusts you. He needs you. And you were right, Rose, that daft alien loves you, even if he will always find a way to deny it.”

Since Clara was weakened the Wolf, it was easier for Rose to listen to her best friend. Clara was right. She had to be strong, she had to go back to her dear daft alien. She hated him, but she loved him even more. And he needed her. She was his light in his darkness. He would sink back into his wrong feelings if she didn’t come back to him. So, she fought against the Wolf, but the ultrasounds were making it very angry. It found enough strengths to jump on Clara and bite the hand that was holding the screwdriver. Surprised, Clara let go of the screwdriver which rolled on the ground too far from her reach. She fell on her back and the Wolf kept her pinned down to the ground.

“You are nothing less than a stupid pointless human!” roared the Wolf.

But that human won. That tiny stupid human won against the entity of Time. First, she had weakened it with the ultrasounds. Second, she had talked to the human that still was inside the Wolf and touched her heart. If Clara hadn’t been so surprised, it would have thought that the attack was part of the plan – and why in the world the force field hadn’t worked? – because it gave Rose another reason to fight. And she managed to get the control back. Clara could observe the struggle through the Wolf’s eyes and she could clearly see the moment Rose took over. The Wolf disappeared in a flash of golden light and Rose collapsed on the ground next to Clara. The Wolf was still there, in her mind, ready to come back but she had full control for now thanks to Clara.

“You did it,” she murmured.

The struggle had left her weak and exhausted but Rose was back and she was relieved. Clara hugged her tight, almost crying to have her back. Rose looked miserable but she was there again. Clara called for the Doctor. Now that the threat was tamed, he would be able to come into the room. The door indeed unlocked itself again and the Doctor rushed into the room. He picked the sonic up and used it on Rose.

“It’s still there, but she has full control again. I’m bringing her to the infirmary.”

He lifted Rose up and carried her to the infirmary. Clara followed him. She looked at her hand. The bite looked awful, and it was really painful. There were golden sparks around it, but she decided not to show it to the Doctor. He had enough to do with Rose. She slipped her hand into her pocket and sat down close to the bed the Doctor had laid Rose down on. He was running some tests on her, mumbling something about locking the Wolf away until he found a definitive way to get rid of it. Rose had fainted on the way to the infirmary but the Doctor was taking great care of her. He was really worried about what had happened to his Rose, and his feelings were spreading all around them. Clara smiled a bit. It was so obvious but none of them would make the first step into that new relationship. Even after he almost lost her, the Doctor wouldn’t admit his feelings. It was dreadful.

“Okay. In a few hours, she’ll be just fine. Perfect.” He looked over at Clara who had her eyes closed, her free hand holding one of Rose’s hand. “Clara Oswald, you’ve been brilliant!”

“She’s cold though.”

“Yeah, that’s… That’s because of the Wolf. It might have changed her a bit because of how long it stayed in her body.”

“What?”

“Are you alright?”

“All fine.”

She opened her eyes and looked at him. She looked tired, but no one could handle the responsibility he had given her and going out perfectly fine, but there was something else about Clara that left him a bit sceptical. The timelines weren’t right around her. Rose’s one was back to normal, even if the Wolf’s one was still very tangled with hers. They apparently would share a long future together, but as long as the Wolf didn’t take over Rose once again, the Doctor didn’t see any problem of this happening. However, around Clara, everything was confused. That was weird, but he was too focused on his precious girl to actually care about someone else.

It took hours before Rose woke up again, feeling a bit better than earlier. She still was weak and couldn’t move much but she was herself at least. She could feel the Wolf pacing in her mind and hitting a barrier that definitely wasn’t there earlier. The Doctor had come into her mind. She looked around and found Clara still sitting by her side, still holding her hand. Rose smiled a bit. Clara was sleeping and the Doctor – or most likely the TARDIS – had covered her with a blanket. The Doctor wasn’t around for now. He had left the two of them alone in there, but Rose was sure that he had asked the TARDIS to keep an eye on her. He would never leave her alone in the condition she was in. She lightly squeezed Clara’s hand, and a flash of pain crossed her mind. She winced. She had a damn pounding headache. She closed her eyes again and focused on the silence around her.

There was something different about her though. Something she couldn’t define. She felt different in a way she wouldn’t be able to explain. Her mind was buzzing, and her thoughts were dispersed. She was unable to catch a proper one and there were some kind of interferences like a radio that didn’t manage a receive a channel. As if someone was trying to find the right one.

“That’s quite disturbing, isn’t it?”

Rose opened her eyes and looked at the Doctor who had come back without her hearing him. She smiled a bit at him and tried to sit up, but he ordered her to stay in that bed. His hand was gently placed on her shoulder, and suddenly, scraps of sentences that weren’t from her filled her mind. She realised that it was the Doctor’s thoughts and her look became really confused. He noticed it and took his hand away, with an apologetic look.

“What… What’s happening to me, Doctor?”

It was starting to scare her. She knew the Doctor had been in her mind, but as a human, she never had the telepathic bound. She shouldn’t be able to read his thoughts. Not even a small part of it. He took her hand in his and his lips brushed over her knuckles. He kept silent for a moment but she could still _feel_ how sorry he was.

“The Wolf changed you.”

“What?”

“Clara told me about the talk the Wolf had with her. It wanted to lay a hand of me because I’m the last of the Time Lords. It wanted to be sure I was good enough for the job. Get into my mind and have a certain control of it.”

“But the TARDIS never let you in because I refused to.”

“Yeah.”

“But she let Clara in.”

“And she brought you back.”

“Not completely. The Wolf is still there, even if you locked it away.”

“I had a small talk with it before. I can’t remove it from you anymore. Its claws are too deep into you. It would kill you if I did.”

“So, it will forever be… In my head.”

“Yep.”

“Isn’t that dangerous? I mean, I’m human.”

Deep down, she could feel that it wasn’t exactly true anymore. She was convinced of it. Something had changed within her and she was certain that if she was to take a DNA test, it wouldn’t be human. She wasn’t a 100% human anymore, and the Doctor knew it.

“Not anymore.”

“What am I?”

“Hybrid I’d say. Half human, half Time Lady.”

“But…”

“The Wolf needed a strong physical sheath, and your human constitution wasn’t enough, even if you’ve travelled through the Vortex. It started changing you the minute you looked into the TARDIS’ heart, but I removed a large part of it before it could turn you into a total Time Lady.”

“Meaning it doesn’t have that much power left.”

“Enough to take over you though, enough to give you more life than you could have ever imagined.”

“So…”

“No, you can’t regenerate. The Wolf will protect your body and heal it if you get hurt, but if the wound is bad enough, you’ll die.”

Her headache was worse now and she was trying to process all the information the Doctor was giving her. She wasn’t a full human anymore. The Wolf had given her more life than she could have dreamed of having, but she couldn’t regenerate.

“But this means I can stay with you.”

The idea was filling her mind with joy and relief because she didn’t want to leave him alone and the Wolf had given her the chance of staying with him longer than a normal human would have been able to. Plus, she would need a teacher, because if the Doctor was right, she was half Time Lady, and she absolutely had no idea of what she was supposed to do with that. The Doctor smiled, almost shyly.

“It means you can stay with me. As long as you want to.”

Another flash of pain crossed Rose’s mind and she winced again. The Doctor felt it too. He looked over at Clara who was still sleeping. The pain was coming from her. Something was wrong with her and he didn’t know what. She didn’t say anything to him.

“Something’s wrong with Clara,” he told Rose. “This is her pain you’re feeling.”

“What’s wrong?”

“I don’t know. She said she was fine when I asked her. And I was too busy worrying about you to even check if it was true.”

The Doctor reluctantly let go of Rose’s hand and got close to Clara. He scanned her with his sonic quickly and found the origin of the problem. He took the blanket off her body and pulled her hand out of her pocket. He examined the bite silently. Rose couldn’t see what he had found because he was hiding it from her.

“Doctor, what’s going on?”

“The Wolf bit her, and she refused to tell me because she wanted me to focus on you.”

“But… What is it doing to her?”

“It’s not just a normal bite. I can’t do anything to heal it.”

He showed Clara’s hand to Rose who took it between hers and watched the golden sparks around the wound. A memory crossed her mind. She remembered the Wolf attacking Clara because she was hurting it with the sonic screwdriver. But the Wolf wasn’t a normal wolf so the damages were much bigger.

“There must be a solution.”

The Doctor shook his head. If he hadn’t been able to help Rose, how could he help Clara? The only thing he could do was clean the wound and bandage it, but Rose couldn’t accept that answer. She couldn’t let her best friend die because she hadn’t been able to control the Wolf inside her. That same Wolf gave her the answer. It seemed to know that there was a huge mystery around Clara and that she wasn’t supposed to die now.

“You’ve got to connect her to the TARDIS telepathic interface.”

“What?”

“The TARDIS will recognise the energy and pull it away from her. It will get back into her heart, and save Clara. Do it, Doctor.”

“How…”

“Just do it already!”

The Doctor started at her sudden anger, but the golden sparks in her eyes was telling him that it was both Rose and the Wolf talking to him and that they must be right. So, he took Clara to the console room and connected her to the TARDIS telepathic interface. He was surprised to see that it was working, that the TARDIS was taking the energy back. He took Clara back to the infirmary when it was done, and cleaned and bandaged her wound. Rose watched him doing so. He should have known earlier. Maybe Rose would have stayed the human he had always know. Maybe she would be safe now. Because now that the Wolf and her had merged, he had absolutely no idea of what was going to happen. One part of him was feeling guilty, but the other part was feeling happy because Rose would get to stay with him. There would less risk of him losing her, and maybe, just maybe, something would be possible between the two of them.


	7. Gravity

Alec Hardy had everything to be happy in life: a beautiful wife, an adorable daughter, a cute little house in a quiet town and a job he was excellent in no matter what the newspapers were saying. And yet, every night, he was having the same awful nightmare which caused him to wake up with a start, sweating, breathless, panicked. That was the strangest nightmare he ever had. Somehow, he felt like he had already lived that situation, like he had already felt that despair, that terror, that pain but he knew it wasn’t possible. That was too unreal. Why was he having that nightmare? Why did he feel so bad every time he woke up from that nightmare?

That night again, he woke up with a start after the dream had haunted his sleep once again. He looked at his wife who was peacefully sleeping next to him and got up, trying not to wake her up. He walked out of the room as silently as possible and opened the front door. He got out and closed the door behind him. He sat down on the small step and looked at the starry night sky which was colouring itself with shades of red, orange and yellow. The sun was rising slowly when Rose sat up next to him and gave him a cup of tea.

“That dream again?”

Alec nodded and took the cup of tea she was offering him. He drank a mouthful of it. It was hot and warmed his body the terror of the night had cooled down. It wasn’t cold outside, but the dream always left him feeling very cold inside.

“Still don’t wanna talk about it?”

“How can I talk about something I don’t understand?”

“You shouldn’t go to work today. Stay home. Get some rest.”

He put the cup down on the ground next to him and took her in his arms. He softly kissed her forehead and whispered an ‘I love you’ in her ear. She smiled. As long as she was with him, nothing bad could happen to him. He was convinced of this fact. Oh, how wrong he was!

“Nah, I need to go to work. Don’t want Miller to steal my job. She still hates on me for that.”

“I’m pretty sure she likes you actually.”

“I know I count on her. She’s the only one I trust here. But don’t say it. I don’t want her to think we’re friends or whatever.”

“You’re a jerk,” laughed Rose.

He knew she was joking. Ellie Miller didn’t like him at first but now she was the closest friend he had in this town. She seemed to be the only one here to like him. The others were calling him ‘shit face’. Not that he cared that much.

Alec finally got ready for work and kissed the two girls of his life before he left. The day was long. He stayed in his office to filling in paperwork. He was exhausted. He took off his glasses, rubbed his eyes and leaned back in his chair. He closed his eyes and the same images came to haunt him as he was trying to get some rest. The same feeling of despair, of terror and the exact same pain tortured his heart and soul. The same scream coming from his own mouth tore him apart. A scream of powerlessness, of pain. A scream that burned his throat. A scream that was echoing the pain attacking his whole body and mind.

“Rose!” he exclaimed as he suddenly woke in the same condition of vulnerability that always followed the nightmare.

“She called me to keep an eye on you. She’s worried about you.”

“Miller?”

He rubbed his eyes to get rid of the last images of the dream. He had only slept for ten minutes and he felt even more tired than before. Ellie was sat in the chair that was facing him. Only the desk was separating them. She was observing him closely.

“When was the last time you’ve actually slept?”

He couldn’t even tell her. As far as he could remember, he had always had that nightmare. That could days, weeks or months for all he knew. No wonder why he was so exhausted.

“I don’t know.”

“Go home. Get some rest. Come back when you’ll feel better. I’ll talk with the chief.”

“I’m f…”

“No, you’re not, Hardy, and everybody can see that. You’re exhausted. You’ve been making mistakes. I’m covering for you. And now, you sleep at work and wake up as if you’ve just been running a marathon. Go home, Alec.”

Alec sighed deeply. Miller using his first name was always a sign of her being angry at him or worried for him. The second option was the reason why she was using it right now. He gave in.

“You won. I’m going back home.”

“I’m driving.”

He didn’t protest. It was useless. He let her take him back home. There was nobody there, and the house was quiet. Rose was working and their daughter was in school. He walked to his bedroom and let himself fall on the bed. Though he was afraid of having the nightmare, he welcomed the sleep with great relief and pleasure.

Rose came back home in the afternoon after picking up Lily from school. Ellie had called her earlier to tell her that she had taken Alec home. As the little girl was eating an after-school snack, Rose went to the bedroom. She smiled when she saw that he was deeply asleep. He was lightly snoring and there was no sign of agitation. He wasn’t having a nightmare as if it had finally decided to let him get some rest. Rose took his jacket, tie and shoes off and tucked him in. She then walked back to the kitchen to prepare dinner. Lily was watching cartoons on the television but, when she realised her father wasn’t there for dinner, she grew worried.

“Mummy, is daddy sick?” she asked.

“No, sweetheart. Daddy’s been working really hard. He just needs to sleep a little. He’s gonna be fine.”

Saying that he needed to sleep a little was an understatement. He needed to sleep more than just a little. He did sleep for twenty-four hours. When he woke up, he found a note on the pillow next to him. Rose had written that she had left a plate of food for him in the fridge. Ellie was covering for him at work.

Life was slowly going back to normal. He could sleep without the nightmare haunting him, but that only lasted a few days. He was thinking that it was finally over when the dream came back more violent than before. He spent the rest of the night in the kitchen, writing and drawing everything that could help him understand why he was having such a dream. Then, he took a shower to relax. Rose was up when he came back in the kitchen. She was holding some of the things he had written. She was crazy worried. Her vision was blurry.

“Alec, what is that?”

“The dream I’ve been having over and over again. I-I keep on dreaming that I’m losing you. And that’s scaring me to death,” he admitted, a knot in his throat.

“That doesn’t make any sense.”

“Every time I wake up, the dream just disappears. It’s like my memory doesn’t want me to remember that. I can’t find words to tell what’s happening.”

“But…”

“All I can remember is me yelling your name and the sudden light. And I wake up.”

“Alec…”

“I’m terrified.”

Alec had never admitted being afraid before. He had always kept it to himself. Whatever was that dream, it had broken him. Rose hugged him when she saw he was about to break down for good. He had been strong for too long. He needed to let go of some of the tension he had been keeping inside down.

“Maybe you should see a doctor.”

The word sounded weird in his ear as if it was supposed to mean something to him, but he couldn’t catch the meaning. He nodded. That was the last solution he had before he sank into madness.

“I heard there was this woman in town. She’s a specialist of that kind of troubles. I’m taking a day off. We’re both going.”

“Thank you.”

“I made my choice a long time ago and I’m never gonna leave you.”

Once again, he felt like those words were supposed to mean something special to him. A meaning that was slipping away from him when he was trying to get a hold of it. However, he didn’t want to think about it right now. He hugged Rose tighter.

Later, they dropped Lily at school and went to the doctor’s office. Alec had never heard of her in that town before, and he had been here for long enough to know everyone. He didn’t trust strangers. When she asked Rose to leave the room so he was alone with her, he suddenly felt uneasy. Who was she? Why did he feel like he knew he would not like whatever she would be saying to him?

He couldn’t find the words to tell her about his dream. Everything was rushing through his head but he couldn’t talk. The woman decided to use hypnosis to help him. It took a few minutes before he finally let go, and then, the words came on their own to explain what his nightmare was about.

“I’m a Time Lord. The last of them. I’ve been travelling with Rose Tyler for a while now. We were casually laughing about our next destination, and we ended up in Torchwood, an agency of alien hunters. They had opened a portal between two universes and created a freaking mess. We were invaded by Daleks and Cybermen. The only way to get rid of them was to open the Void, but Rose’s mother, Rose and I had travelled through time and space. The void would have sucked us up. I sent Rose and Jackie in the parallel universe, knowing I would never see them again. But Rose came back. She helped me to get rid of our enemies even if that meant never seeing her mother ever again. She had chosen me over her family. We lowered the levers to open the Void together. It was hard to fight the call of the it but we resisted. Until her lever started to come back to the off position. Until she tried to keep it on the on position. The Void was too strong. She lost her grip, and I screamed her name as the pain tore my hearts apart. Pete, her father, saved her from the Void, but…” His voice broke. “I lost her. I lost my Rose, and I’ll never see the woman I love ever again.”

The woman, called Katlyn, broke the hypnosis, telling him he would remember everything. She saw the pain on his face the minute he opened his eyes to face her again. She saw it as it was hitting his whole body, as the tears ran down his face, as he was clenching his fists to control himself. She read the notes he had given her earlier.

“That’s very clear to me.”

“And what does that mean?”

“Have you ever considered that the dream you’ve been having was actually the reality and all of this just a dream?”

“Are you insane? That’s too surrealistic to be real.”

“You think so?” she asked, making a rose appear on her desk. “But the weirdest, the most painful things are sometimes the real ones.”

“How did you…?”

“It’s time to wake up, Doctor.”

Alec was confused. The word had a real meaning now that he could remember all his dream. Katlyn had woken up his memory but that was too painful and he didn’t want to accept that reality. He pushed the images, the pain and the tears away and let the anger come to him.

“Enough! I don’t know what you’re trying to do but it’s not working. You’ve got everything wrong.”

“It’s really working and you don’t want to admit it. But that other you, the you of your ‘dream’, is the real one. Alec Hardy is just a thing in your head. You created all of this to stay with Rose. You don’t want to wake up in a world where she’s not anymore. Tell me I’m wrong, Doctor.”

“Stop calling me that!”

He was so full of anger against that woman. He hated her. He hated what she was trying to tell him. He hated what she was trying to make him understand. He lost his control and tried to punch her but she stopped his fist with one hand. She hadn’t blinked, hadn’t moved. She kept her calm.

“I’m just an illusion, just like all of that. I’m the voice of your reason. You’re following your heart, Doctor, and that’s usually a good thing. Not now though. You gotta let her go now. Your song isn’t over, Doctor.”

“Stop that now!” he yelled.

He was furious but she wasn’t afraid. She should have been. He knocked down everything that was on her desk, yelling and hitting everything that was around. A sudden pressure around his waist forced him to stop. Rose had come into the office and was now hugging him from behind. She put her head on his shoulder and whispered something in his ear. When she requested to talk to Katlyn, he stormed out of the office and slammed the door. Rose faced Katlyn.

“Promise me you’ll take care of him.”

“I will. No matter what.”

Rose smiled weakly and shook hands with her. She was relieved to know that someone would take care of him, of her Alec, of her Doctor. She couldn’t do it anymore, but he would never be alone.

The next day, he was still mad at Katlyn. He didn’t tell Rose what she had said to him. She was still worried about him because the nightmare had kept him awake all night. She thought she had lost him for good when he woke up. She had been watching him while he was struggling against the dream. And suddenly, he had woken up, out of breath, crying, shaking, the heart pounding so hard she could hear it. Terror and pain were marking his face. She would never forget how hurt he was. He didn’t even react when she caught his hand to comfort him. He just stared at the ceiling, his eyes full of ghosts. And all of a sudden, she felt nothing at all. No heartbeats, no breathing, no move. Alec’s face was blank. He was gone. Rose did everything to bring him back, but he didn’t remember anything. For him, nothing had happened except for the nightmare and she wasn’t gonna tell him about that night.

Alec went to work after he told his two girls how much he loved them. His only wish was to stay with them but he couldn’t. He had been absent too many times lately. He got a call from Rose in the middle of the afternoon.

“Hey, honey, missing me?”

_“As always, Alec. Can’t you escape from work to come to the beach with us?”_

He hated that word and he didn’t even know why. Maybe it was something the Doctor he was supposed to be hated. Or maybe that was just a memory from his childhood. He would never know.

“I wish I could. But they need me there. You know how they all are. I wonder how they became cops.”

_“You’re being rude.”_

“Can’t help. Send me pics. I want to see my girls having fun while I’m stuck here.”

They kept on talking. Alec didn’t care that everyone was watching him as he was talking to Rose, a smile on his lips. He loved her so much. The dream couldn’t be true. Katlyn couldn’t be right. He couldn’t lose his Rose. He wouldn’t be able to survive without her.

“I love you.”

_“So do I, honey. I miss you.”_

_“How cute is that!”_ exclaimed a voice he didn’t know.

“Who’s that?” Alec demanded.

_“Time to play hide and seek,_ **Doctor** _.”_

He froze at the name and flashbacks rushed through his mind. He didn’t want to remember any of that. He shook his head and focused on the phone call to forget about all those images. His hand clutched his phone.

“I don’t wanna play. Whoever you are, leave my girls alone.”

_“You’re so naïve. The game starts now. Let’s see if you can find them before the end.”_

“I swear if you hurt one of them…”

He couldn’t end his sentence. Rose was sobbing in the background. He had already hurt her. That was something he would never be forgiven for. He was gonna track this son of a bitch down and make him pay for even coming near Rose.

_“Tick-tock, Doctor.”_

“YOU ARE DEAD! YOU HEAR ME? YOU ARE DEAD!”

Alec stormed out of his office while the other was laughing. Which made him really mad. Then, he hung up. Alec didn’t answer the questions Ellie was asking. He didn’t notice the inquiring looks of his colleagues. He just ran to his car and started hunting down the bastard who dared threatening his family. He ran from one point of the town to another. There wasn’t any clue. Whoever had his girls, he had disappeared and taken them with him. The last place he went to was his house. There was still no sign of them. Alec was exhausted, on the edge of breaking down, but he couldn’t give up. He had to find Rose and Lily before any harm was done to them. That’s when he saw the note on the fridge with a picture.

“NO WONDER WHY PEOPLE CALL YOU THE WORST COP OF BRITAIN. NOT EVEN ABLE TO FIND YOUR WIFE AND DAUGHTER. WHAT A LAME DETECTIVE YOU ARE. WILL YOU BE A BETTER DOCTOR?”

Alec’s heart stopped when he saw that the kidnapper had hurt his girls. He had beaten Rose, slightly but still. His wife and daughter needed his help and he wasn’t able to find them. He creased the paper in his hand as the anger rose in him. He suddenly yelled against the world, knocked everything down around him and finally slid to the ground, crying.

“Alec?”

He had no reaction when Ellie came into the kitchen and came near him. She put a hand on his shoulder but he continued on staring at the ground, the tears still sliding down his face. He was devastated to say the least. Ellie was worried. She had never seen him so vulnerable before.

“Sir?”

She saw the paper in his hand. She took it from him and read it. Her face grew pale when she saw the picture. Alec still had no reaction. He was disconnected from reality. On the reverse side of the picture, Ellie found another note: ‘Nothing is real.’ What was that supposed to mean? She forced Alec to get up and brought him to the living room. He sat down on the couch. Ellie made a few phone calls before getting back to him. She needed him to talk, to get out of this state.

“How did the both of you meet?”

“That was to the AA,” he replied with a sad smile and Ellie was relieved that he was listening to her. “After the Sandbrook case’s disaster, I lost control and I started drinking. Regularly. Too regularly. My colleagues noticed that I was drunk every time I came to the office. They denounced me. I already didn’t have many friends back then. My boss suspended me and ordered me to stay away from the press. He wanted me to ask for help. I was mad. I totally lost control. If I had had a gun, it could have ended in a very bad way. I just threw things and ran away with my car. I was driving and drinking at the same time to drown my frustration. I didn’t know what sobriety was anymore. And I had an accident. When I woke up, I was in the emergency service. I only had a few scratches. My car was completely wrecked. And I was handcuffed.”

“They’d arrested you.”

“Drunk driving. Endangering people’s lives. My boss had given the order to arrest me. He gave me ultimatum: ask for help or go to jail and definitely be suspended. I chose the AA and the station gave me paperwork to keep me busy without harming anyone. It was my third time. I was worked up, erratic, on the edge of exploding. They said I needed someone to help me through that situation. That’s when she offered to be that person while everyone was turning the idea down. Everyone knew my name, my reputation, my character. They were running away from me. But not her. Rose… Rose had never drunk a drop of alcohol but she was always ready to help people. She wanted to save me and she managed to do it. We’ve become close really quickly. When we got married, I asked to be transferred. Broadchurch was the only town to want me. We moved as soon as I got the job. I’ve been sober for five years, daddy for four years and married for three years. Rose Tyler picked up the waste I was and made a brand new man of me. If I lose her, if I lose _them_ , that will kill me.”

“We’re gonna find them. I promise you. Our best men are looking for them. They won’t stop until they find something. You should get some rest. I’ll wake you up if we have anything.”

“I can’t.”

His hands were shaking. He was upset. Ellie could easily guess that those were symptoms he knew very well. He was suffering from great anxiety and his old demon was coming back to haunt him. If she left him alone, how much time would he struggle before diving back into alcohol? She had to prevent that from happening.

“I’m gonna make some tea. That’ll help you to relax. Tom and Fred are with my sister. I’m gonna stay with you tonight.”

“Thanks, Miller.”

In the end, he slept. Without a dream. Miller had most likely drugged him to force him to sleep but it wouldn’t last. The sound of his phone ringing woke him up with a start. Who the hell was calling him? And what for?

He rushed to the beach as soon as the caller hung up. No one had told him what it was all about but they needed him there. They had already secured the area and officers were keeping the crowd away. He showed them his badge and walked to the crime scene. He wasn’t feeling well. On the edge of a panic attack. It became worse as he was getting closer to the scene. When he saw the two black mortuary bags, he almost fainted. His heart sank in his chest. He couldn’t breathe. That couldn’t be true.

“Who the hell called him?”

Miller’s voice. Angry. Worried. He kept on walking, his eyes not leaving the mortuary bags. His heart ached. The world was going blurry. Miller came to him and forced him to stop.

“They shouldn’t have called you. I’m sorry. Go back home.”

Miller was trying to keep him away from the bodies but he wanted to see. He now knew that everything was over because of her tone. He pushed her away and slowly walked to the bags. Two cops in uniforms tried to stop him. He struggled.

“I have to see,” he muttered. “Let me see them.”

They held him tighter. Miller’s orders. For once, she was doing her job well, but she wouldn’t be able to stop him. He needed to know, to confirm it.

“Sir, this is not a good idea.”

She was confirming it. His heart hurt more. He couldn’t believe it. That definitely couldn’t be true. It was a mistake. A very bad joke.

“LET ME SEE THEM!” he cried out, totally devastated.

They let go of him. He rushed to the bags and opened them. That wasn’t true. That couldn’t be true. And yet, his two girls were there, laying still in those black plastic bags. He stroked their faces. They looked like they were sleeping. They weren’t. Alec suddenly broke down, hugging the two dead bodies, rocking them back and forth, and cried because now, he had nothing left in his life.

They had to tear him away from the bodies. All he could do was yell at everyone and struggle against the people forcing him to leave his two girls. They dragged him away from the crime scene. All of a sudden, he stopped everything and just let them drag him away from the bodies. He didn’t say anything, nor move. His tears had stopped rolling down his cheeks. Ellie was more than worried about him. She had promised they would find them. She had given him hope and now, his whole world was falling apart. He had told her how much he loved his girls and now, he had lost them. Life was so unfair. She stopped the car on the side of the road.

“Talk to me, Alec.”

“…”

“Please, just say something.”

He remained silent, staring at the emptiness through the windscreen. There was nothing to say. Not anymore. It was all done. He was done.

“Alec…”

Ellie sighed and started driving again. They were still on the road when Alec suddenly stooped out of breath, his hand clutching his heart. He was struggling against a violent pain in his chest. Ellie stopped the car again. He didn’t answer any of her questions. The pain was awful. He felt like someone was crushing his heart and couldn’t breathe anymore. He heard Ellie call for an ambulance but didn’t understand what she was saying. She was trying to keep him alive, but what was the point of living when he had nothing left?

A week passed by after Alec’s heart attack. He was diagnosed with the heartbroken syndrome. The whole universe was mocking him. He had pills to take and Miller was watching over him since he got out of the hospital. He hadn’t moved from his house. He spent his days curled up in bed with a picture of Rose and Lily. He was eating only because Miller was forcing him to but he wasn’t hungry at all. She was still on the case and every time she had to go to the station, she always left someone to watch over him. She was crazy worried about him. She knew that if she didn’t keep an eye on him, he would dive back into his old demon. But she was exhausted and one night, while she was sleeping, he just ran away from the house. He bought a bottle of whiskey and went to the beach. He walked in the sand for a while, staring at the horizon. He stopped walking when he reached the spot where the bodies had been found. They still hadn’t caught the killer, but nothing mattered anymore now.

“Together or not at all,” he murmured.

He unscrewed the cap of the bottle and threw it away. Then, he started drinking. He mixed the alcohol with the pills for his heart. After some time, he welcomed the feeling of death spreading in his body.

“It’s time to wake up now, Doctor,” said a voice.

“I don’t want to live in a world where she’s not anymore.”

He continued poisoning his own body. When he fell to the ground, slowly dying, he heard Miller’s scream. She had found him. She rushed to his side but it was too late. She wanted to call an ambulance but he stopped her by giving her a letter he had written. As she was reading it, tears ran down her face. She tried to save him but he just gave up on his life. He smiled to her through the dark.

“Thank you, Ellie,” he whispered.

Alec slowly closed his eyes. Even if Ellie called an ambulance now, they wouldn’t be there in time. He was already too far gone. He greeted death with relief. The pain was finally over. He could see his Rose again now.

The Doctor coughed before opening his eyes. The TARDIS was full of smoke and mess. The Doctor could barely move. His whole body was painful. His sight was blurry but he could see feet belonging to the person leaving the place. He weakly called out to know who it was.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t want it to be so violent. You left me no choice.”

No name. The Doctor couldn’t even say if it was a woman or a man. He couldn’t run after that person. He coughed again as the smoke was intoxicating him. Although he was in pain, he managed to sit up and looked around, trying to remember how he had ended up unconscious in the TARDIS and how someone had been able to come in. He slowly stood up.

“Are you okay? Rose?”

The reality hit him violently. He remembered. He remembered losing her and going away. He remembered getting back to the TARDIS and unleashing his pain, his powerlessness, his broken hearts, his frustration, his grief, throwing things and watching those things break to calm his anger. He remembered launching the TARDIS and driving like a mad man. And the remembered the crash. Everything was a black hole after that, except for the strange dream he had had. He was so happy with his Rose and their beautiful daughter. And now, he had nothing left. He was on his own again. He had lost the woman he loved and hadn’t told her about her feelings. He looked at the denim jacket she had left in the TARDIS, grabbed it and smelled it. It brought tears to his eyes. He cried for a while. Then, he fixed his ship, took a look at the gap closing and had an idea: it was time to see his Rose for the last time to say goodbye, to tell her he loved her, even if it was too late now.


End file.
